I'd like to think I'm a fairly decent person. I'm not perfect, I'll admit that but I'm not some horrible, lying, two-faced, irresponsible girl whose going to go out and make stupid decisions that forever affect my life. But according to my mother, I am. Having a rocky relationship with your mom is single-handedly one of the hardest things a person has to deal with, in my opinion. People tell me not to listen to her opinion on me, but it's a bit difficult. I mean, I came out of her vagina. She gave me life. Isn't she supposed to try to encourage me to be the best person, encourage me in all my chapters through life? She's not like this all the time, but more often than not I feel like I'm not good enough for her and never will be. Every time I do something and think she'll be proud, no, I could've done this, this and this differently. Oh, and this could've been done too. She's one of the hardest people to make happy.
She admires my brother. I don't understand why, maybe because he's the youngest? I'm not saying I want it to be all about me, I really don't. I can't handle being in the spotlight and the centre of attention, it's awkward. But I don't want to be shoved under the rug either for every mistake I make AND admit too, or just because she's in a bad mood and I'm in her line of fire. My dad works out of town so it's hard for him to know who to believe, and really for him to be here to witness it because when she's home, she's blissful.
I guess I just want an answer. What did I do? Why is she always so mad at me? I work hard in school for her, because I'm the only one in my family to ever go to university. I decided to not become a teacher because she wanted me to be something medical (which I then, wanted to be too). I try not to ask her for money, even if I have none I'll try to wait it out. I don't sit there and purposely try to destroy our relationship. I don't know what to do anymore. And sometimes, I wonder if I'll be able to put up with this for another 4-5 years until I'm on my feet.
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