miniature vent session?

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to please the people around you,
and something I've been realizing is you can't please everyone. This, however, is difficult for me because I hate making people upset, I hate having people disappointed in me and most of all I hate when people are mad at me. I'm horrible when people are mad at me, because a) I usually forget what I did for them to be mad, and b) I start to get defensive because I have too much pride. It's been getting better though, I apologize for things I do and usually, I try to fix it or make it up to the person.

Something I've also realized, is how different life is out of high school. I know, it's naive of me to say that pretty much 4 months after graduation but I've been realizing it now more than ever. Places I thought I used to fit in so well, now just seem changed and that really, I don't fit is as great as I thought. In high school my friends circle was set. I had a a few that were true, and that I knew I could lean on them. I did have friends in other social circles, and pretty much tried to talk to everyone but overall, I had my little group. Since graduating, the group has gotten smaller, and seemingly divided. Bee talks more to Red and Kels, while I talk daily to Chandelier and Jordy. It's difficult for me, because I usually had all of them to lean back on, and while I still do in a way, most of them don't really know what goes on in my life. It really sucks when you start to not be invited to things that when you were the one planning it, you tried to make sure everyone was included (hey, it wasn't always the case, but I would try). I guess I took for granted the people in my life, although I never meant too. I understand it's apart of growing up, losing people and gaining new ones, but it's hard to deal with, especially when some friends have been there for a really long time.

I know I'll never completely lose ties with my friends, but not talking to them or feeling as if I just don't... fit (for lack of a better word) with them, is a hard pill to swallow. Maybe it's just a phase, since we're all starting a new chapter of our lives, all in different directions... but only time will tell right?

hey jude - the beatles

If you're wondering about the title, it was during this song I had my little trip realizations. :) I have a new found passion and love for The Beatles and they've quickly taken the spot as my favorite band. Anyway, now to the real blog post!

It's been awhile since I added a number to the list of things to do (that I'm doing) to change my outlook of life. I think it's because these changes don't happen all over night, and it's a process in itself. Well, today that wait is over!
Our list so far consists of:

• De-Clutter your life
• Apologize for mistakes

Today I'm going to be adding two more "steps" I guess you could call them, to the little check list. I'll write them down, then explain.

• Take a break
• Test your limits

Before I left for vacation, I was competely sick of this city. I absolutely hated it with an unexplainable passion. I was pretty much just smiling because I had to, laughing because someone expected me too, and just not being myself. I wasn't really getting anywhere with changing my outlook other than the two steps I had done, and was clenching my teeth and biting my tongue on a regular basis. I needed a mental break, and just a period of time to chill out.

BC was good to me, gave me a breath of fresh air. Sometimes all people need is just a break. I know you can't always just be like "peace, I'm going on vacation" but taking a break, doesnt mean you have to physically leave your town or city. Taking a break can simply mean, giving yourself some "me" time. Instead of going out somewhere where you know someone will piss you off, opt to stay home and just lounge around watching a movie or something. If you're having a tough time with someone at work or school, just focus on what tasks you have to do rather than getting all riled up, the reward you get feels amazing. Trust me, I put alot of my energy into my summer math course, and I loved the results. Give yourself a break; sit down, close your eyes and just clear your head, even if it's only for a few minutes those minutes do add up!

People live their lives so fast paced, that before you know it time has gone and the things you want to do can't be done anymore. This is why I put testing your limits after take a break. If we're going to be honest, I don't know how this would work for other people, but thinking about it now "trying something new" can go hand in hand with it. So I'm re-making this last one:

• Test your limits, try something new

While on my break, I did both of these. I tested one of my fears and went head to head against it; my fear of heights. I also tied it with trying something new, and challenged parasailing. Being catapulted 200 ft in the air was not something old me would really enjoy or do.

Testing your limits doesn't have to be something huge, and you can easily hit that and trying something new on the same try. It could be something like, strike up a conversation with someone at the new coffee shop you tried out. Break away from your daily routine for one day, and see how it treats you. If it goes badly, start with something smaller like for example, if you usually wear nude lipstick, try a bold color! You'll undoubtedly get tons of compliments, and a little boost to your self esteem. There's tons of little ways to try something new and step out of your box alittle bit.

If we only have one life to live, why should we live it in the same routine everyday? Hope this helped, :) and if anyone has any questions don't hesitate to comment or email!

don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better, :)
little jay