thinking while reading

While I've been overwhelmed with school work, doing the countless readings I'm required myself to do I find myself having self-reflecting moments and thinking clearly (of course, not on the material I'm reading...). I've always been the kind of person whose afraid of being alone. I mean, who wants to be alone? I've always had this unnecessary need to fight for people to be in my life and to constantly need them there; know everything going on and talking every single day (I don't really know the words to say here, I'm just going on a whim so I apologize if this is scatter brained). While coming into my second semester of university, I came to realize that in order to not lose your sanity (for me, anyway) you need a solid support group, one that you don't have to work for and fight for. I mean, I'm too busy reading at least over 200 pages a week and being expected to retain it, I don't have time to be scurrying behind working so hard in my relationships, and I especially don't have the time to be putting up with petty immaturities (I'm not trying to sound condescending or conceited).

So, I have come to a conclusion that surprisingly, I'm okay with. I'm content with the few I have, the ones that actually know what goes on in my life and try to be there for me without me having to make the first move or every single move. My need to constantly chase after others instead of focusing on myself or the bigger picture, was jeopardizing all the things I have going for me and everything I've worked my ass off for. I saw a quote the other day, that probably all of you have seen, that just fit everything:

Don't make someone who makes you an option, your priority.

So my advice to everyone tonight is, be okay with yourself. Be content with who you have, even if it's not the amount of people you want. It'll be a painstaking process to figure this all out in your head, but when you do it's the most relaxing feeling ,and nonetheless surprising.

I hope everyone's new year is going fantastic :)
and blogs will pop up between the... excessive school work.

much love,
little jay

merry christmas

So Christmas is supposed to be about cheer, family and celebration!
Well, I'm definitely trying to be as cheery as possible with this impossibly horrible head cold/sinus infection I have going on. However, this spontaneous shortcoming hasn't wavered my gratefulness towards my family, friends, dog and boyfriend. I could not be more thankful for the people in my life, and honestly, I could've gone without presents (except maybe my aloe socks and super-soft blanket keeping my warm in this sick state). The best present is the people around me being happy, healthy and having all their wishes come true. I would be no where without them, and I think they deserve all the best.

Count your blessings today, and be thankful for the good things in your life, and try to overlook the bad (since I know not every home situation is perfect). I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart everyone got what they wished for, and also for you brave ones going boxing day shopping, be safe! It's a rampage out there!

Much love and many blessings,
Merry Christmas! & Happy Holidays!

Little Jay

No new beginning, is ever completely new...

I was contemplating on deleting my old blog posts, since I've recently (as in, today) re-discovered my blog. But then I decided, why delete something from my past? The past is my past, and my history makes me who I am today. So therefore, you are all blessed to still see my dirty laundry from high school. Isn't that the most exciting news?!

Let's be honest here for a second. I'm not going to say that I went on some grand adventure, travelling the world and changing my life completely in which made me so busy I couldn't blog about its excitement. No. Pure and simple? I forgot about it...
I realize, it's been since May. But with graduating in June, diploma exams, going on a family vacation to Portugal and then starting University... It completely slipped my mind.

I want to say not much has changed, but in reality it has; it just doesn't seem like it. First of all, I would say the biggest shock is university. Graduation was bittersweet, I loved leaving part of high school behind... but I can't help but sometimes think back to it, and thinking I took its simplicity for granted. I've lost friends, gained some new ones, and strengthened my friendship with old ones, while maybe drifting from others. If that makes any sense, but it's what's happened. University is like a social-life leech. It's a fun-sucker. I have yet to find that "blissful happiness" in writing papers, midterms and being a slave to my textbooks + powerpoints. For those who ask: what am I studying? Let's just say I'm learning how to save your life.

A few blogposts ago, I mentioned New York. However, I did not mention the boy I met there. Let's say, he became more than just a boy to me. Nak and I have been together for 7 months now, and I've never met someone like him. He's amazing, and not even that is the right word to describe him. For friends, I'm still close to most of the girls from high school, primarily sticking to Chandelier, Jordy, Bee, and Red. I love those girls to pieces, even though it can sometimes be a roller-coaster of ups and downs.

Oh, have I also mentioned I turned 18? You can only imagine the crazy encounters or stories I'll have with this... facepalm.
But that's for another blogpost.

here's my song of the day:
Safe by OK Sweetheart

Kill 'em with kindness ;)
little jay