Not only have I not started my english research paper worth 25% of my mark (due Wednesday),
I have also not had "listens of the day" for what... two-three days? definitely one, wow. I'm so becoming a mathematician.
Here they are!
Friday: After a great day with Chandelier and her mommy to see Breaking Dawn,I was extremely moody and... hormonal. Pretty much I ended up crying on my laundry because I convinced myself my existence to life was not important. Hormones does stupid shit to people. so here's my listen for Friday!
Slow me down by Emmy Rossum
Saturday: (today) Not going to lie, I thought today was going to suck because I was supposed to go shopping with Red and Bee, but opted to hang with my dad instead because I rarely see him. Usually our hangouts turn into him leaving somewhere to run errands and me doing homework, but not this time. I had an amazing day with my family, NAK was invited for dinner and hang out with my family too. I don't think it could've been anymore perfect. Here's my listen for today!
In the Morning by Jack Johnson
Here you have it! :) enjoy two amazing songs!
kill them with kindnessssss,
Little Jay!
side note:
Can I just point out I'm probably the worst person in the kitchen? I definitely burnt chocolate... in the microwave.
November 19, 2011
miniature vent session?
Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to please the people around you,
and something I've been realizing is you can't please everyone. This, however, is difficult for me because I hate making people upset, I hate having people disappointed in me and most of all I hate when people are mad at me. I'm horrible when people are mad at me, because a) I usually forget what I did for them to be mad, and b) I start to get defensive because I have too much pride. It's been getting better though, I apologize for things I do and usually, I try to fix it or make it up to the person.
Something I've also realized, is how different life is out of high school. I know, it's naive of me to say that pretty much 4 months after graduation but I've been realizing it now more than ever. Places I thought I used to fit in so well, now just seem changed and that really, I don't fit is as great as I thought. In high school my friends circle was set. I had a a few that were true, and that I knew I could lean on them. I did have friends in other social circles, and pretty much tried to talk to everyone but overall, I had my little group. Since graduating, the group has gotten smaller, and seemingly divided. Bee talks more to Red and Kels, while I talk daily to Chandelier and Jordy. It's difficult for me, because I usually had all of them to lean back on, and while I still do in a way, most of them don't really know what goes on in my life. It really sucks when you start to not be invited to things that when you were the one planning it, you tried to make sure everyone was included (hey, it wasn't always the case, but I would try). I guess I took for granted the people in my life, although I never meant too. I understand it's apart of growing up, losing people and gaining new ones, but it's hard to deal with, especially when some friends have been there for a really long time.
I know I'll never completely lose ties with my friends, but not talking to them or feeling as if I just don't... fit (for lack of a better word) with them, is a hard pill to swallow. Maybe it's just a phase, since we're all starting a new chapter of our lives, all in different directions... but only time will tell right?
and something I've been realizing is you can't please everyone. This, however, is difficult for me because I hate making people upset, I hate having people disappointed in me and most of all I hate when people are mad at me. I'm horrible when people are mad at me, because a) I usually forget what I did for them to be mad, and b) I start to get defensive because I have too much pride. It's been getting better though, I apologize for things I do and usually, I try to fix it or make it up to the person.
Something I've also realized, is how different life is out of high school. I know, it's naive of me to say that pretty much 4 months after graduation but I've been realizing it now more than ever. Places I thought I used to fit in so well, now just seem changed and that really, I don't fit is as great as I thought. In high school my friends circle was set. I had a a few that were true, and that I knew I could lean on them. I did have friends in other social circles, and pretty much tried to talk to everyone but overall, I had my little group. Since graduating, the group has gotten smaller, and seemingly divided. Bee talks more to Red and Kels, while I talk daily to Chandelier and Jordy. It's difficult for me, because I usually had all of them to lean back on, and while I still do in a way, most of them don't really know what goes on in my life. It really sucks when you start to not be invited to things that when you were the one planning it, you tried to make sure everyone was included (hey, it wasn't always the case, but I would try). I guess I took for granted the people in my life, although I never meant too. I understand it's apart of growing up, losing people and gaining new ones, but it's hard to deal with, especially when some friends have been there for a really long time.
I know I'll never completely lose ties with my friends, but not talking to them or feeling as if I just don't... fit (for lack of a better word) with them, is a hard pill to swallow. Maybe it's just a phase, since we're all starting a new chapter of our lives, all in different directions... but only time will tell right?
November 17, 2011
what am i, 12?
As mentioned previously, I turned 18. In October, to be exact.
But according to my mother, this still does not get me out of a 9 o'clock curfew.
I'm pretty sure when I was in junior high, my curfew was 9:30-10...
I'm now in University.
How does this make sense?
I'm not sure.
Immigrant Parents.
on the bright side of this snow-y & miserable day:
cake batter or cookie dough is amazing.
stay warm,
little jay
But according to my mother, this still does not get me out of a 9 o'clock curfew.
I'm pretty sure when I was in junior high, my curfew was 9:30-10...
I'm now in University.
How does this make sense?
I'm not sure.
Immigrant Parents.
on the bright side of this snow-y & miserable day:
cake batter or cookie dough is amazing.
stay warm,
little jay
Just a thought...
What ever happened to the kindness of humanity?
I feel like humanity has been losing its compassion and morals as time goes on. It's ridiculous how judgemental and black-hearted so many people are today. Ignorance isn't bliss, it's ruining our society.
Yesterday, I went to the mall with my mom and as we were leaving the parking lot driving away, an elderly woman caught my eye on the sidewalk. She was hunched over in the bitter cold, several shopping bags hanging from her arms, and as we drove closer I was confused on what she was doing so bent over. Then I saw the cane on the ground and her frail little arms trying to reach it. At least ten people had passed right next to her on the sidewalk, some glancing, but no one stopped to help. I made my mom stop in the middle of the street so I could get out and help her with her cane. It's unbelievable that from the crowd of people swarming around her, no one bothered to help.
There's also a homeless man, well, to be honest I'm not sure if he's homeless. I believe he's mentally ill. But regardless, he used to sit in the Tim Hortins near my house, and it made me so happy to see that people would buy him soup on a cold day, or a donut if they were in the mood. Everyone in my area knows him. The Tim Hortins just switched to a new owner, and I just recently found out that the man (his name is Joe), is no longer allowed in the Tim Hortins. Now, incase you've never been to the part of Canada I live in, it gets absolutely freezing in the winter. Who gives this manager the right to kick Joe out? I understand companies have the right to refuse service, but isn't that for when someone is being disruptive, or rude? Please, enlighten me. Because other than grunts or head nods, Joe doesn't even talk.
Also at this Tim Hortins, in late September when it was getting a little chilly, there was a girl maybe about 19, who was sitting outside. I walked in with my mom, and as I stood in line for my coffee, I watched her ask people for bus money, and everyone was completely rude to her! Yes, I understand that you never know if the money will be used for the bus or not, but you don't need to be rude. You don't know someone's story. I overheard the construction workers in front of me talking about what a disgrace it was to our city, to have such poorly presented people sitting around in public places. This day, Joe was also at the Tim Hortins (before the new owner came into the picture). When I got to the register, I asked for my breakfast but also two extra coffees and extra donuts. I got my order, and shoved passed the construction workers who were huddled by the door now, outside to the girl and handed her a bag of donuts and a large coffee. It was freezing outside and she barely had on a jacket. I then went inside and gave the other coffee and bag of donuts to Joe. Let's say that shut up the arrogant construction workers.
Oh, and one of them also dropped their coffee.
Karmas a bitch, isn't it?
Kill them with Kindness,
little jay.
I feel like humanity has been losing its compassion and morals as time goes on. It's ridiculous how judgemental and black-hearted so many people are today. Ignorance isn't bliss, it's ruining our society.
Yesterday, I went to the mall with my mom and as we were leaving the parking lot driving away, an elderly woman caught my eye on the sidewalk. She was hunched over in the bitter cold, several shopping bags hanging from her arms, and as we drove closer I was confused on what she was doing so bent over. Then I saw the cane on the ground and her frail little arms trying to reach it. At least ten people had passed right next to her on the sidewalk, some glancing, but no one stopped to help. I made my mom stop in the middle of the street so I could get out and help her with her cane. It's unbelievable that from the crowd of people swarming around her, no one bothered to help.
There's also a homeless man, well, to be honest I'm not sure if he's homeless. I believe he's mentally ill. But regardless, he used to sit in the Tim Hortins near my house, and it made me so happy to see that people would buy him soup on a cold day, or a donut if they were in the mood. Everyone in my area knows him. The Tim Hortins just switched to a new owner, and I just recently found out that the man (his name is Joe), is no longer allowed in the Tim Hortins. Now, incase you've never been to the part of Canada I live in, it gets absolutely freezing in the winter. Who gives this manager the right to kick Joe out? I understand companies have the right to refuse service, but isn't that for when someone is being disruptive, or rude? Please, enlighten me. Because other than grunts or head nods, Joe doesn't even talk.
Also at this Tim Hortins, in late September when it was getting a little chilly, there was a girl maybe about 19, who was sitting outside. I walked in with my mom, and as I stood in line for my coffee, I watched her ask people for bus money, and everyone was completely rude to her! Yes, I understand that you never know if the money will be used for the bus or not, but you don't need to be rude. You don't know someone's story. I overheard the construction workers in front of me talking about what a disgrace it was to our city, to have such poorly presented people sitting around in public places. This day, Joe was also at the Tim Hortins (before the new owner came into the picture). When I got to the register, I asked for my breakfast but also two extra coffees and extra donuts. I got my order, and shoved passed the construction workers who were huddled by the door now, outside to the girl and handed her a bag of donuts and a large coffee. It was freezing outside and she barely had on a jacket. I then went inside and gave the other coffee and bag of donuts to Joe. Let's say that shut up the arrogant construction workers.
Oh, and one of them also dropped their coffee.
Karmas a bitch, isn't it?
Kill them with Kindness,
little jay.
November 16, 2011
No new beginning, is ever completely new...
I was contemplating on deleting my old blog posts, since I've recently (as in, today) re-discovered my blog. But then I decided, why delete something from my past? The past is my past, and my history makes me who I am today. So therefore, you are all blessed to still see my dirty laundry from high school. Isn't that the most exciting news?!
Let's be honest here for a second. I'm not going to say that I went on some grand adventure, travelling the world and changing my life completely in which made me so busy I couldn't blog about its excitement. No. Pure and simple? I forgot about it...
I realize, it's been since May. But with graduating in June, diploma exams, going on a family vacation to Portugal and then starting University... It completely slipped my mind.
I want to say not much has changed, but in reality it has; it just doesn't seem like it. First of all, I would say the biggest shock is university. Graduation was bittersweet, I loved leaving part of high school behind... but I can't help but sometimes think back to it, and thinking I took its simplicity for granted. I've lost friends, gained some new ones, and strengthened my friendship with old ones, while maybe drifting from others. If that makes any sense, but it's what's happened. University is like a social-life leech. It's a fun-sucker. I have yet to find that "blissful happiness" in writing papers, midterms and being a slave to my textbooks + powerpoints. For those who ask: what am I studying? Let's just say I'm learning how to save your life.
A few blogposts ago, I mentioned New York. However, I did not mention the boy I met there. Let's say, he became more than just a boy to me. Nak and I have been together for 7 months now, and I've never met someone like him. He's amazing, and not even that is the right word to describe him. For friends, I'm still close to most of the girls from high school, primarily sticking to Chandelier, Jordy, Bee, and Red. I love those girls to pieces, even though it can sometimes be a roller-coaster of ups and downs.
Oh, have I also mentioned I turned 18? You can only imagine the crazy encounters or stories I'll have with this... facepalm.
But that's for another blogpost.
here's my song of the day:
Safe by OK Sweetheart
Kill 'em with kindness ;)
little jay
Let's be honest here for a second. I'm not going to say that I went on some grand adventure, travelling the world and changing my life completely in which made me so busy I couldn't blog about its excitement. No. Pure and simple? I forgot about it...
I realize, it's been since May. But with graduating in June, diploma exams, going on a family vacation to Portugal and then starting University... It completely slipped my mind.
I want to say not much has changed, but in reality it has; it just doesn't seem like it. First of all, I would say the biggest shock is university. Graduation was bittersweet, I loved leaving part of high school behind... but I can't help but sometimes think back to it, and thinking I took its simplicity for granted. I've lost friends, gained some new ones, and strengthened my friendship with old ones, while maybe drifting from others. If that makes any sense, but it's what's happened. University is like a social-life leech. It's a fun-sucker. I have yet to find that "blissful happiness" in writing papers, midterms and being a slave to my textbooks + powerpoints. For those who ask: what am I studying? Let's just say I'm learning how to save your life.
A few blogposts ago, I mentioned New York. However, I did not mention the boy I met there. Let's say, he became more than just a boy to me. Nak and I have been together for 7 months now, and I've never met someone like him. He's amazing, and not even that is the right word to describe him. For friends, I'm still close to most of the girls from high school, primarily sticking to Chandelier, Jordy, Bee, and Red. I love those girls to pieces, even though it can sometimes be a roller-coaster of ups and downs.
Oh, have I also mentioned I turned 18? You can only imagine the crazy encounters or stories I'll have with this... facepalm.
But that's for another blogpost.
here's my song of the day:
Safe by OK Sweetheart
Kill 'em with kindness ;)
little jay
May 7, 2011
words i'll never say.
Dear ________,
I wish you realized how hard I bust my ass off in everything to make you proud for even a single second. You say I don't do anything, I know compared to you it's little, but it's not nothing. For an average person in grade 12, I think I do alot. I volunteer twice a week, work 4 times a week until 10:30/11:30 just so you don't have to pay for any of my things. I'm saving towards a car, mac book, and my spending money in Europe all for YOU not to buy it for me. I study, manage a 93 in AP English, and study my ass off as hard as I can for Chemistry. I got into the best nursing school in North America to realize the dream you had as a pediatric nurse pracitioner. I do something, hoping for even the slightest smile. And all I get in return is a blow or insult. I'm not selfish. I haven't done something for MYSELF in a long time, I don't even remember the last thing I did for myself. I get barely any sleep from staying up either doing homework, studying or coming home late from work. You didn't even ask me how my valedictorian speech went. You know how much that meant to me, especially since I wasn't expecting to be nominated. You watched me sit around my computer trying to make the best speech I could.
People always tell me I'm this great person, that I'm going to go places and that I'm this or that. I never believe them because everytime I think I'm starting to be good enough, you shut me down and show me I'm not. I'm to the point I'm going to fall over exhausted because I am physically and mentally drained of trying so hard. I'm not even done high school yet and I already feel like this. I know I lash out at times, and sometimes don't do what you ask me to do right away, but I get it done. And when I do it, I don't half ass it. And even that isn't good enough for you. It's never good enough for you. I never will be. That's what it feels like anyway.
Sorry for the disappointment.
Joana.
I wish you realized how hard I bust my ass off in everything to make you proud for even a single second. You say I don't do anything, I know compared to you it's little, but it's not nothing. For an average person in grade 12, I think I do alot. I volunteer twice a week, work 4 times a week until 10:30/11:30 just so you don't have to pay for any of my things. I'm saving towards a car, mac book, and my spending money in Europe all for YOU not to buy it for me. I study, manage a 93 in AP English, and study my ass off as hard as I can for Chemistry. I got into the best nursing school in North America to realize the dream you had as a pediatric nurse pracitioner. I do something, hoping for even the slightest smile. And all I get in return is a blow or insult. I'm not selfish. I haven't done something for MYSELF in a long time, I don't even remember the last thing I did for myself. I get barely any sleep from staying up either doing homework, studying or coming home late from work. You didn't even ask me how my valedictorian speech went. You know how much that meant to me, especially since I wasn't expecting to be nominated. You watched me sit around my computer trying to make the best speech I could.
People always tell me I'm this great person, that I'm going to go places and that I'm this or that. I never believe them because everytime I think I'm starting to be good enough, you shut me down and show me I'm not. I'm to the point I'm going to fall over exhausted because I am physically and mentally drained of trying so hard. I'm not even done high school yet and I already feel like this. I know I lash out at times, and sometimes don't do what you ask me to do right away, but I get it done. And when I do it, I don't half ass it. And even that isn't good enough for you. It's never good enough for you. I never will be. That's what it feels like anyway.
Sorry for the disappointment.
Joana.
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