Lately I've been having that sinking feeling deep down in my heart, you know the one everyone experiences at one moment or another. The feeling of not being good enough. Sometimes I lay here on my bed, and question every aspect of my life. My friends, what I mean to them, my career choice, what I mean to family, do i really work that hard. Hours upon hours, I sit here in this silence, trying to fill it up with endless episodes of one tree hill, or even indulging myself in a amazing book (I've read two in three weeks... that's more than I've read since high school english class). Maybe that's my problem, I think too much. I overanalyze, I criticize and I overly invest my emotions in everything. Living with your heart on your sleeve, isn't the greatest. I try to hold this tough facade, this shell. But really, I'm just as soft and vulnerable beneath it. I try to sent subtle messages, for someone to reach out but they are never really received. To be honest, only one person has continually tried and for the most part succeeded, and I love him with my whole heart for that, I don't know where I'd be without him. He's the one person I've literally told everything to. Maybe that's because over time I've pushed people away, and in the past nine months he's continued to try get me back. He keeps me sane, honestly.
Change in train of thought. I just have this gut feeling in my stomach, that something is going to go wrong soon, and I don't know with what. Maybe I'll lose another friend (isn't that what happens after high school?), or maybe my mom will have one of her fits (fits that a current slim population of one know about -- him again). I don't know. I'm usually not wrong about these horrible gut feelings, but I guess time will tell right?
Lately, I've also been wondering my purpose in life. What am I supposed to do? Why am I here, in this place, in this moment. Sometimes I think it's to save a life, but millions of people do that everyday. I don't know. Maybe I'm feeling this way because of being hopped up on cough medicine from my cold and a lack of sleep (since it is 2 am...). Just, I feel like my whole life right now is a big fat "I don't know". But I do know one thing; I never want to lose him. Does that make me pitiful? I've never depended on someone this much, or invested my emotions to this extent in any relationship. I can't imagine it falling apart. It scares me a little, really. I'm not sure if this blog post even makes any sense. I just feel a little scatterbrained, and I know if I didn't get this out I wouldn't sleep. Well then, here your have it... for your relatablitity (is that even a word?) or even entertainment. Insight into the dirty laundry going on inside my head.
December 28, 2011
December 25, 2011
merry christmas
So Christmas is supposed to be about cheer, family and celebration!
Well, I'm definitely trying to be as cheery as possible with this impossibly horrible head cold/sinus infection I have going on. However, this spontaneous shortcoming hasn't wavered my gratefulness towards my family, friends, dog and boyfriend. I could not be more thankful for the people in my life, and honestly, I could've gone without presents (except maybe my aloe socks and super-soft blanket keeping my warm in this sick state). The best present is the people around me being happy, healthy and having all their wishes come true. I would be no where without them, and I think they deserve all the best.
Count your blessings today, and be thankful for the good things in your life, and try to overlook the bad (since I know not every home situation is perfect). I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart everyone got what they wished for, and also for you brave ones going boxing day shopping, be safe! It's a rampage out there!
Much love and many blessings,
Merry Christmas! & Happy Holidays!
Little Jay
Well, I'm definitely trying to be as cheery as possible with this impossibly horrible head cold/sinus infection I have going on. However, this spontaneous shortcoming hasn't wavered my gratefulness towards my family, friends, dog and boyfriend. I could not be more thankful for the people in my life, and honestly, I could've gone without presents (except maybe my aloe socks and super-soft blanket keeping my warm in this sick state). The best present is the people around me being happy, healthy and having all their wishes come true. I would be no where without them, and I think they deserve all the best.
Count your blessings today, and be thankful for the good things in your life, and try to overlook the bad (since I know not every home situation is perfect). I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart everyone got what they wished for, and also for you brave ones going boxing day shopping, be safe! It's a rampage out there!
Much love and many blessings,
Merry Christmas! & Happy Holidays!
Little Jay
December 12, 2011
Do YOUR best
It's still finals week, and I found myself thinking. I've been trying to set myself against everyone else's standards, that being, individuals with crazy marks on exams that I have no idea how they passed. I mean, 100 on an Anatomy midterm? I'm sorry, but I'm not Albert Einstein, and I don't want to be.
I work hard. I slave around my textbooks for hours and only frustrate myself because I can't remember what everyone else can. I throw aside my very hard-earned 70s and beat myself up about it because, god forbid it wasn't an 80 or 90. Maybe I haven't worked as hard as I could, I'll admit that. There have been days where I chose friends over textbooks, but I never regret those days. Even though I'm 18, I'm still a kid. We're all still kids. Sure, legally we're adults but last time I checked it's eight-TEEN. I've realized that maybe, I won't know every single body part and every single disease, but I have the heart for what I'm studying and the passion to save lives and help people. Working myself up about school and marks, it's made me lose sight of why I came into this program in the first place.
I have to do what I AM able to, and not put myself up to anyone else's standards. I'm not a robot, I'm human. And you know what? 70 is the new 80. ;)
I work hard. I slave around my textbooks for hours and only frustrate myself because I can't remember what everyone else can. I throw aside my very hard-earned 70s and beat myself up about it because, god forbid it wasn't an 80 or 90. Maybe I haven't worked as hard as I could, I'll admit that. There have been days where I chose friends over textbooks, but I never regret those days. Even though I'm 18, I'm still a kid. We're all still kids. Sure, legally we're adults but last time I checked it's eight-TEEN. I've realized that maybe, I won't know every single body part and every single disease, but I have the heart for what I'm studying and the passion to save lives and help people. Working myself up about school and marks, it's made me lose sight of why I came into this program in the first place.
I have to do what I AM able to, and not put myself up to anyone else's standards. I'm not a robot, I'm human. And you know what? 70 is the new 80. ;)
December 6, 2011
i just ran out of band aids
While trying to study today, I started thinking about my past and would have done differently. If I had known how things played out, what would I tell my younger self? Granted, I'm only 18 and have barely broken into adulthood, but just like every human being I've made mistakes, I've had realizations (hell, look back at old blog posts, I rant about them), and just really wanted to get them down for my sanity's sake, but if it helps someone else then that's even better. These are in no particular order.
You will survive.
I've learnt that anything happening in the present now, is mostly minuscule compared to what the future holds. The fight with your friend over, let's say a boy just for shits and giggles, isn't going to affect you for the rest of your life. Hate to break it to you. I know especially in high school, I thought fights with my friends were the end of the world. Some of them would even alter my ability at school. Frankly, I look back and I'm like "seriously? are you kidding me?" Honestly I can't even remember what most of the fights were over and who even got angry first, and this is just in the first year I've lived outside of high school. I feel like people go into high school and believe that THAT is life. We're all immature at that age, we haven't seen the world much beyond the four walls of a classroom and a projector telling us what we should learn. High school is from age maybe, 14 to 18. There is so much to life beyond that, so much. I've already realized that within six months of graduation. I can rant about this all day.
It may feel like your heartbreak is killing you, but you'll live to love again.
I haven't had very many relationships, but heartbreak isn't just from a boy/girl. Heart break comes from family, friends, losing someone or even losing sight of yourself. Your heart will break several times throughout your life, and sometimes it'll cause your life to fall apart. But it goes on, it really does. I can't stress that enough. You will find happiness again, you will be back on your own two feet, and maybe no one can give you that except yourself.
People come into your life for a season, reason or a lifetime.
We always think the people who come into our lives will be here forever, but they won't. Some people come and go as fast as seasons change. They walk in and out of our lives in merely a blink. Other people come into your life just as quick, but act as a lesson, the "reason". They teach you something sometimes without even you realizing it. It's hard to recognize these people, as I can only really do it when I'm looking back, and it's honestly heartbreaking to not see some of them anymore, or have really no idea where they went. If you're lucky, the people you want to stay in your life forever, are there for a lifetime.
Let the pieces fall how they're supposed to.
As much as we try, we really can't control our destiny and fate. Stop fighting it and go with flow and let things play out how they're supposed to. Maybe you don't agree with how it goes, but if it's in your playing cards how can you stop it? Some things in our lives we have control over, our decisions and choices. But if you're meant to be with someone, you will be with them. If you're meant to be somewhere for something, you'll be there. Sometimes some of the most important parts of your life come when you arn't expecting them, or even looking for them.
Don't take things for granted: Cherish every moment, with every person. It doesn't matter who it is, you never know when it could be the last time you ever see them.
This is so true. Sometimes I find myself sitting on the train home and think, "what if something happened, right now? would I have told everyone I love that I love them? Would I be satisfied with my life and where I am?", but just as quick as it comes, the moment goes. But really, think about it. Telling people you love them is personally, the single-handedly most important thing. You never know when you'll see them again, or even if they'll see you. Don't go to sleep mad, don't hold a grudge because in the long run, you'll regret it when you realize you can't take back what you said to them.
Apologize.
Swallow your damn pride for once, and admit your wrong. I have the biggest problem admitting I'm at fault, and sucking up enough to actually whole heartedly apologize and not half-ass it. Looking back, if I had just really apologized for some things I did or said when I needed too, high school probably would've been a bit easier. I'm too hard headed.
Jealousy really is an ugly green monster.
Cherish what you have and don't envy what others have, this goes for material items and everything else. Count your blessings, count your accomplishments, I guarantee there's a number of them no matter how big or small. Being jealous of other people has tainted some of my best friendships, and creates a wall between some of my best friends and I, when it really shouldn't be there. Do the best YOU can, and not at the standard at everyone else.
Happiness is the best revenge.
I'm not a spiteful person, I don't wish any bad on anyone. But I'll admit I've secretly looked at people and wished for a magical piano to fall from the sky and crush them to smithereens, but then I learnt it you can be happy, that's the best way to get back at someone and no longer be affected. Happiness drives people crazy, everyones looking for it and once you find it... it's the best way to get back at the people who've hurt you; without you further hurting yourself or becoming to their level. Be the bigger person.
I have more, and there very might be a sequel to this post but I hope this helped someone. :) I really do.
Keep your chin up and your shoulders back. Everything will be okay, no matter how hard it seems.
Kill them with kindness,
Little Jay
You will survive.
I've learnt that anything happening in the present now, is mostly minuscule compared to what the future holds. The fight with your friend over, let's say a boy just for shits and giggles, isn't going to affect you for the rest of your life. Hate to break it to you. I know especially in high school, I thought fights with my friends were the end of the world. Some of them would even alter my ability at school. Frankly, I look back and I'm like "seriously? are you kidding me?" Honestly I can't even remember what most of the fights were over and who even got angry first, and this is just in the first year I've lived outside of high school. I feel like people go into high school and believe that THAT is life. We're all immature at that age, we haven't seen the world much beyond the four walls of a classroom and a projector telling us what we should learn. High school is from age maybe, 14 to 18. There is so much to life beyond that, so much. I've already realized that within six months of graduation. I can rant about this all day.
It may feel like your heartbreak is killing you, but you'll live to love again.
I haven't had very many relationships, but heartbreak isn't just from a boy/girl. Heart break comes from family, friends, losing someone or even losing sight of yourself. Your heart will break several times throughout your life, and sometimes it'll cause your life to fall apart. But it goes on, it really does. I can't stress that enough. You will find happiness again, you will be back on your own two feet, and maybe no one can give you that except yourself.
People come into your life for a season, reason or a lifetime.
We always think the people who come into our lives will be here forever, but they won't. Some people come and go as fast as seasons change. They walk in and out of our lives in merely a blink. Other people come into your life just as quick, but act as a lesson, the "reason". They teach you something sometimes without even you realizing it. It's hard to recognize these people, as I can only really do it when I'm looking back, and it's honestly heartbreaking to not see some of them anymore, or have really no idea where they went. If you're lucky, the people you want to stay in your life forever, are there for a lifetime.
Let the pieces fall how they're supposed to.
As much as we try, we really can't control our destiny and fate. Stop fighting it and go with flow and let things play out how they're supposed to. Maybe you don't agree with how it goes, but if it's in your playing cards how can you stop it? Some things in our lives we have control over, our decisions and choices. But if you're meant to be with someone, you will be with them. If you're meant to be somewhere for something, you'll be there. Sometimes some of the most important parts of your life come when you arn't expecting them, or even looking for them.
Don't take things for granted: Cherish every moment, with every person. It doesn't matter who it is, you never know when it could be the last time you ever see them.
This is so true. Sometimes I find myself sitting on the train home and think, "what if something happened, right now? would I have told everyone I love that I love them? Would I be satisfied with my life and where I am?", but just as quick as it comes, the moment goes. But really, think about it. Telling people you love them is personally, the single-handedly most important thing. You never know when you'll see them again, or even if they'll see you. Don't go to sleep mad, don't hold a grudge because in the long run, you'll regret it when you realize you can't take back what you said to them.
Apologize.
Swallow your damn pride for once, and admit your wrong. I have the biggest problem admitting I'm at fault, and sucking up enough to actually whole heartedly apologize and not half-ass it. Looking back, if I had just really apologized for some things I did or said when I needed too, high school probably would've been a bit easier. I'm too hard headed.
Jealousy really is an ugly green monster.
Cherish what you have and don't envy what others have, this goes for material items and everything else. Count your blessings, count your accomplishments, I guarantee there's a number of them no matter how big or small. Being jealous of other people has tainted some of my best friendships, and creates a wall between some of my best friends and I, when it really shouldn't be there. Do the best YOU can, and not at the standard at everyone else.
Happiness is the best revenge.
I'm not a spiteful person, I don't wish any bad on anyone. But I'll admit I've secretly looked at people and wished for a magical piano to fall from the sky and crush them to smithereens, but then I learnt it you can be happy, that's the best way to get back at someone and no longer be affected. Happiness drives people crazy, everyones looking for it and once you find it... it's the best way to get back at the people who've hurt you; without you further hurting yourself or becoming to their level. Be the bigger person.
I have more, and there very might be a sequel to this post but I hope this helped someone. :) I really do.
Keep your chin up and your shoulders back. Everything will be okay, no matter how hard it seems.
Kill them with kindness,
Little Jay
November 29, 2011
Hey blogglets,
So, with my finals coming up pretty quick, I won't be blogging as much (as you can already tell). I'll still try to get some blogs up here and then until finals are over, and keep in touch! :) Feel free to send me e-mails if you'd like, at portugu3sa21@hotmail.com.
I hope to not be gone again for another like.. six months haha!
Talk to you all soon <3
Much Love, and I hope those with Finals do amazing! :)
Little Jay
So, with my finals coming up pretty quick, I won't be blogging as much (as you can already tell). I'll still try to get some blogs up here and then until finals are over, and keep in touch! :) Feel free to send me e-mails if you'd like, at portugu3sa21@hotmail.com.
I hope to not be gone again for another like.. six months haha!
Talk to you all soon <3
Much Love, and I hope those with Finals do amazing! :)
Little Jay
November 26, 2011
i'm goin' to whine a little more...
I'd like to think I'm a fairly decent person. I'm not perfect, I'll admit that but I'm not some horrible, lying, two-faced, irresponsible girl whose going to go out and make stupid decisions that forever affect my life. But according to my mother, I am. Having a rocky relationship with your mom is single-handedly one of the hardest things a person has to deal with, in my opinion. People tell me not to listen to her opinion on me, but it's a bit difficult. I mean, I came out of her vagina. She gave me life. Isn't she supposed to try to encourage me to be the best person, encourage me in all my chapters through life? She's not like this all the time, but more often than not I feel like I'm not good enough for her and never will be. Every time I do something and think she'll be proud, no, I could've done this, this and this differently. Oh, and this could've been done too. She's one of the hardest people to make happy.
She admires my brother. I don't understand why, maybe because he's the youngest? I'm not saying I want it to be all about me, I really don't. I can't handle being in the spotlight and the centre of attention, it's awkward. But I don't want to be shoved under the rug either for every mistake I make AND admit too, or just because she's in a bad mood and I'm in her line of fire. My dad works out of town so it's hard for him to know who to believe, and really for him to be here to witness it because when she's home, she's blissful.
I guess I just want an answer. What did I do? Why is she always so mad at me? I work hard in school for her, because I'm the only one in my family to ever go to university. I decided to not become a teacher because she wanted me to be something medical (which I then, wanted to be too). I try not to ask her for money, even if I have none I'll try to wait it out. I don't sit there and purposely try to destroy our relationship. I don't know what to do anymore. And sometimes, I wonder if I'll be able to put up with this for another 4-5 years until I'm on my feet.
She admires my brother. I don't understand why, maybe because he's the youngest? I'm not saying I want it to be all about me, I really don't. I can't handle being in the spotlight and the centre of attention, it's awkward. But I don't want to be shoved under the rug either for every mistake I make AND admit too, or just because she's in a bad mood and I'm in her line of fire. My dad works out of town so it's hard for him to know who to believe, and really for him to be here to witness it because when she's home, she's blissful.
I guess I just want an answer. What did I do? Why is she always so mad at me? I work hard in school for her, because I'm the only one in my family to ever go to university. I decided to not become a teacher because she wanted me to be something medical (which I then, wanted to be too). I try not to ask her for money, even if I have none I'll try to wait it out. I don't sit there and purposely try to destroy our relationship. I don't know what to do anymore. And sometimes, I wonder if I'll be able to put up with this for another 4-5 years until I'm on my feet.
November 24, 2011
November 23, 2011
losing braincells as we speak...
My slacker status only seems to be increasing as I care less and less for my classes. This may be a problem.
I remember being a kid and everything being so simple. It's funny, because then I used to think it was hard. I thought long division would be the death of me (and to be honest, I still don't know how to do it).
Pause. Funny moment:
Dear "I wasn't that drunk",
you were hugging an old man with a beard screaming "DUMBLEDORE YOU'RE ALIVE"
sincerely, sober people don't do that...
And that was courtesy of "dearblankpleaseblank.com"
Sorry, I had to share that. This is what I accomplish in my classes, primarily Anatomy. But back to my reminiscing of life before university. I can't do long division, I can't multiply two fractions without a calculator, and according to my English Professor: I cannot make a proper thesis. You're taught all these things that allegedly you MUST know in order to succeed in life, but I once saw a picture that really describes school life.
Pre-School: they sit you behind a desk and tell you not to break anything.
Elementary: Tell you it's a lot harder in Junior High
Jr. High: Tell you it's a lot harder in High School
High School: Tell you it's a lot harder in College/University
College/ University: Tell you it's a lot harder in the real world
Real World: sit you behind a desk and you try not to break anything. <---- although this is only applicable to some jobs, I found it so true.
What kind of world did we build, that we have to go to school 12 years in order to understand it, and then if you want to "succeed" in it, you have to go to school for another year or as many years as it takes to become the very important job you are seeking to be. Maybe this is a pointless rant. But really, I need to waste another half hour until my class is done.
I'm going to go look up stupid things on the internet now.
I'll blog later and post my listen-of-the-day for how ever many days I've missed.
Kill them with kindness,
little jay.
PS- my next blog will probably be more relevant to life, and not as pointless.
I remember being a kid and everything being so simple. It's funny, because then I used to think it was hard. I thought long division would be the death of me (and to be honest, I still don't know how to do it).
Pause. Funny moment:
Dear "I wasn't that drunk",
you were hugging an old man with a beard screaming "DUMBLEDORE YOU'RE ALIVE"
sincerely, sober people don't do that...
And that was courtesy of "dearblankpleaseblank.com"
Sorry, I had to share that. This is what I accomplish in my classes, primarily Anatomy. But back to my reminiscing of life before university. I can't do long division, I can't multiply two fractions without a calculator, and according to my English Professor: I cannot make a proper thesis. You're taught all these things that allegedly you MUST know in order to succeed in life, but I once saw a picture that really describes school life.
Pre-School: they sit you behind a desk and tell you not to break anything.
Elementary: Tell you it's a lot harder in Junior High
Jr. High: Tell you it's a lot harder in High School
High School: Tell you it's a lot harder in College/University
College/ University: Tell you it's a lot harder in the real world
Real World: sit you behind a desk and you try not to break anything. <---- although this is only applicable to some jobs, I found it so true.
What kind of world did we build, that we have to go to school 12 years in order to understand it, and then if you want to "succeed" in it, you have to go to school for another year or as many years as it takes to become the very important job you are seeking to be. Maybe this is a pointless rant. But really, I need to waste another half hour until my class is done.
I'm going to go look up stupid things on the internet now.
I'll blog later and post my listen-of-the-day for how ever many days I've missed.
Kill them with kindness,
little jay.
PS- my next blog will probably be more relevant to life, and not as pointless.
November 21, 2011
dum-de-dum
Here I am again...
My efforts to write my english research paper keep dwindling.
This is a problem. It's due Wednesday. I don't even have a thesis.
I never procrastinated this badly in high school. Isn't that supposed to change in University? Arn't you supposed to become more motivated? Unfortunately, my english teacher is well, a bitch. Everything is wrong in her eyes, literally, everything. So my mentality with this course (and ultimately, this paper), is well... I'm going to fail it anyways.
Let's give this another go.
Meaning, there'll probably be another blog post in the next 2-3 hours.
My efforts to write my english research paper keep dwindling.
This is a problem. It's due Wednesday. I don't even have a thesis.
I never procrastinated this badly in high school. Isn't that supposed to change in University? Arn't you supposed to become more motivated? Unfortunately, my english teacher is well, a bitch. Everything is wrong in her eyes, literally, everything. So my mentality with this course (and ultimately, this paper), is well... I'm going to fail it anyways.
Let's give this another go.
Meaning, there'll probably be another blog post in the next 2-3 hours.
let's get real here for a second
Facebook is a probably the number one thing that drives drama out of control and blows it out of proportion. People get involved in things that's clearly not their business, and then when someone retaliates against it; god forbid it's the end of the world. I knew coming out of high school drama wouldn't just disappear, it's human nature. But I thought my generation would at least mature a little bit. We're not in junior high.
People complain about how there's no "face to face confrontation" but you know what? don't complain about it OVER the internet, it's hypocritical. Maybe i'm contributing to this hypocrisy, but it's not my problem to deal with. I'm simply a by-stander, disagreeing with the situation. I will stand up for my friends. I'll point it out that what you're doing or saying is wrong, but won't do it in some degrading way that'll cause "beef" (lack of a better word) between you and I. I like to remain neutral, especially if both parties are my friends. It's how I've been and always will be. Deal with it.
People have the freedom to speech, yes, someone can make a blog and someone else can comment about it. But if it's nothing to do with you, why would you? Do you have nothing better to do? Are you a troll in training? Personally I know I have tons of assignments to do and too busy trying to succeed in life rather than sit there and troll peoples blogs, facebooks or twitters.
I scroll through tons of blogs a day, I read my friends, I read strangers. Blogs are like diaries. It's how the world has progressed to be. But bashing on someones personal feelings, and poking fun at them is just sickening, and as generations go on it just gets worse. I'm at fault too, I'm not saying I'm some angel who has never said anything about anyone, I have. I'll own up to it and apologize for it too. Humans are disgusting things, and it's how it is. But it shouldn't be. I've tried to change, although there's been slip ups, but at least I'm trying. Change doesn't happen over night.
If you don't want drama in your life, don't get involved with it. Ignore bullshit. Hell I've had people blog about me, not even kindly, or say things about me and I've ignored it? Because I don't care what you have to say about me. I don't care, if you don't agree with my choices or my actions. If they're a mistake, I'll realize it on my own. Shouldn't it be that way for everyone else too? I could understand if it was bullying, but if it's not even intentional threats, name calling or harassing... is it YOUR problem? No. It's not. Maybe it's just my opinion, but hey I've managed to live a more or less drama-free life since high school haven't i?
If someone writes something about someone else, they don't need a hoard of minions to defend them. I'm pretty sure we're all human enough to deal with our own problems. Your friends should be on the sidelines HELPING you get through it, NOT writing about it all over Facebook, making it a bigger deal than it really is.
I was talking to my dear friend whose dealing with something along the lines of what I've mentioned, and I told her something that I think everyone should hear. "Don't waste your time looking back at what you've lost, move on and remember life isn't meant to be travelled backwards; that's why we don't have time machines. Its why people change, why we get hurt. People walk in and out of our lives, and some will make a huge impact, while others won't. We learn from the big impacts, mistakes and things that went wrong and take that lesson to make us stronger. Your life was given to you the way it is because you're strong enough to live it."
So maybe I'm throwing another match in the already burning fire, but what the hell why not just leave it. Seriously.
Drama should be between two people: the person offended, and the offender. Not an army. Wouldn't it all just be simpler that way?
please, enlighten me.
People complain about how there's no "face to face confrontation" but you know what? don't complain about it OVER the internet, it's hypocritical. Maybe i'm contributing to this hypocrisy, but it's not my problem to deal with. I'm simply a by-stander, disagreeing with the situation. I will stand up for my friends. I'll point it out that what you're doing or saying is wrong, but won't do it in some degrading way that'll cause "beef" (lack of a better word) between you and I. I like to remain neutral, especially if both parties are my friends. It's how I've been and always will be. Deal with it.
People have the freedom to speech, yes, someone can make a blog and someone else can comment about it. But if it's nothing to do with you, why would you? Do you have nothing better to do? Are you a troll in training? Personally I know I have tons of assignments to do and too busy trying to succeed in life rather than sit there and troll peoples blogs, facebooks or twitters.
I scroll through tons of blogs a day, I read my friends, I read strangers. Blogs are like diaries. It's how the world has progressed to be. But bashing on someones personal feelings, and poking fun at them is just sickening, and as generations go on it just gets worse. I'm at fault too, I'm not saying I'm some angel who has never said anything about anyone, I have. I'll own up to it and apologize for it too. Humans are disgusting things, and it's how it is. But it shouldn't be. I've tried to change, although there's been slip ups, but at least I'm trying. Change doesn't happen over night.
If you don't want drama in your life, don't get involved with it. Ignore bullshit. Hell I've had people blog about me, not even kindly, or say things about me and I've ignored it? Because I don't care what you have to say about me. I don't care, if you don't agree with my choices or my actions. If they're a mistake, I'll realize it on my own. Shouldn't it be that way for everyone else too? I could understand if it was bullying, but if it's not even intentional threats, name calling or harassing... is it YOUR problem? No. It's not. Maybe it's just my opinion, but hey I've managed to live a more or less drama-free life since high school haven't i?
If someone writes something about someone else, they don't need a hoard of minions to defend them. I'm pretty sure we're all human enough to deal with our own problems. Your friends should be on the sidelines HELPING you get through it, NOT writing about it all over Facebook, making it a bigger deal than it really is.
I was talking to my dear friend whose dealing with something along the lines of what I've mentioned, and I told her something that I think everyone should hear. "Don't waste your time looking back at what you've lost, move on and remember life isn't meant to be travelled backwards; that's why we don't have time machines. Its why people change, why we get hurt. People walk in and out of our lives, and some will make a huge impact, while others won't. We learn from the big impacts, mistakes and things that went wrong and take that lesson to make us stronger. Your life was given to you the way it is because you're strong enough to live it."
So maybe I'm throwing another match in the already burning fire, but what the hell why not just leave it. Seriously.
Drama should be between two people: the person offended, and the offender. Not an army. Wouldn't it all just be simpler that way?
please, enlighten me.
November 19, 2011
slacker right here
Not only have I not started my english research paper worth 25% of my mark (due Wednesday),
I have also not had "listens of the day" for what... two-three days? definitely one, wow. I'm so becoming a mathematician.
Here they are!
Friday: After a great day with Chandelier and her mommy to see Breaking Dawn,I was extremely moody and... hormonal. Pretty much I ended up crying on my laundry because I convinced myself my existence to life was not important. Hormones does stupid shit to people. so here's my listen for Friday!
Slow me down by Emmy Rossum
Saturday: (today) Not going to lie, I thought today was going to suck because I was supposed to go shopping with Red and Bee, but opted to hang with my dad instead because I rarely see him. Usually our hangouts turn into him leaving somewhere to run errands and me doing homework, but not this time. I had an amazing day with my family, NAK was invited for dinner and hang out with my family too. I don't think it could've been anymore perfect. Here's my listen for today!
In the Morning by Jack Johnson
Here you have it! :) enjoy two amazing songs!
kill them with kindnessssss,
Little Jay!
side note:
Can I just point out I'm probably the worst person in the kitchen? I definitely burnt chocolate... in the microwave.
I have also not had "listens of the day" for what... two-three days? definitely one, wow. I'm so becoming a mathematician.
Here they are!
Friday: After a great day with Chandelier and her mommy to see Breaking Dawn,I was extremely moody and... hormonal. Pretty much I ended up crying on my laundry because I convinced myself my existence to life was not important. Hormones does stupid shit to people. so here's my listen for Friday!
Slow me down by Emmy Rossum
Saturday: (today) Not going to lie, I thought today was going to suck because I was supposed to go shopping with Red and Bee, but opted to hang with my dad instead because I rarely see him. Usually our hangouts turn into him leaving somewhere to run errands and me doing homework, but not this time. I had an amazing day with my family, NAK was invited for dinner and hang out with my family too. I don't think it could've been anymore perfect. Here's my listen for today!
In the Morning by Jack Johnson
Here you have it! :) enjoy two amazing songs!
kill them with kindnessssss,
Little Jay!
side note:
Can I just point out I'm probably the worst person in the kitchen? I definitely burnt chocolate... in the microwave.
miniature vent session?
Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to please the people around you,
and something I've been realizing is you can't please everyone. This, however, is difficult for me because I hate making people upset, I hate having people disappointed in me and most of all I hate when people are mad at me. I'm horrible when people are mad at me, because a) I usually forget what I did for them to be mad, and b) I start to get defensive because I have too much pride. It's been getting better though, I apologize for things I do and usually, I try to fix it or make it up to the person.
Something I've also realized, is how different life is out of high school. I know, it's naive of me to say that pretty much 4 months after graduation but I've been realizing it now more than ever. Places I thought I used to fit in so well, now just seem changed and that really, I don't fit is as great as I thought. In high school my friends circle was set. I had a a few that were true, and that I knew I could lean on them. I did have friends in other social circles, and pretty much tried to talk to everyone but overall, I had my little group. Since graduating, the group has gotten smaller, and seemingly divided. Bee talks more to Red and Kels, while I talk daily to Chandelier and Jordy. It's difficult for me, because I usually had all of them to lean back on, and while I still do in a way, most of them don't really know what goes on in my life. It really sucks when you start to not be invited to things that when you were the one planning it, you tried to make sure everyone was included (hey, it wasn't always the case, but I would try). I guess I took for granted the people in my life, although I never meant too. I understand it's apart of growing up, losing people and gaining new ones, but it's hard to deal with, especially when some friends have been there for a really long time.
I know I'll never completely lose ties with my friends, but not talking to them or feeling as if I just don't... fit (for lack of a better word) with them, is a hard pill to swallow. Maybe it's just a phase, since we're all starting a new chapter of our lives, all in different directions... but only time will tell right?
and something I've been realizing is you can't please everyone. This, however, is difficult for me because I hate making people upset, I hate having people disappointed in me and most of all I hate when people are mad at me. I'm horrible when people are mad at me, because a) I usually forget what I did for them to be mad, and b) I start to get defensive because I have too much pride. It's been getting better though, I apologize for things I do and usually, I try to fix it or make it up to the person.
Something I've also realized, is how different life is out of high school. I know, it's naive of me to say that pretty much 4 months after graduation but I've been realizing it now more than ever. Places I thought I used to fit in so well, now just seem changed and that really, I don't fit is as great as I thought. In high school my friends circle was set. I had a a few that were true, and that I knew I could lean on them. I did have friends in other social circles, and pretty much tried to talk to everyone but overall, I had my little group. Since graduating, the group has gotten smaller, and seemingly divided. Bee talks more to Red and Kels, while I talk daily to Chandelier and Jordy. It's difficult for me, because I usually had all of them to lean back on, and while I still do in a way, most of them don't really know what goes on in my life. It really sucks when you start to not be invited to things that when you were the one planning it, you tried to make sure everyone was included (hey, it wasn't always the case, but I would try). I guess I took for granted the people in my life, although I never meant too. I understand it's apart of growing up, losing people and gaining new ones, but it's hard to deal with, especially when some friends have been there for a really long time.
I know I'll never completely lose ties with my friends, but not talking to them or feeling as if I just don't... fit (for lack of a better word) with them, is a hard pill to swallow. Maybe it's just a phase, since we're all starting a new chapter of our lives, all in different directions... but only time will tell right?
November 17, 2011
what am i, 12?
As mentioned previously, I turned 18. In October, to be exact.
But according to my mother, this still does not get me out of a 9 o'clock curfew.
I'm pretty sure when I was in junior high, my curfew was 9:30-10...
I'm now in University.
How does this make sense?
I'm not sure.
Immigrant Parents.
on the bright side of this snow-y & miserable day:
cake batter or cookie dough is amazing.
stay warm,
little jay
But according to my mother, this still does not get me out of a 9 o'clock curfew.
I'm pretty sure when I was in junior high, my curfew was 9:30-10...
I'm now in University.
How does this make sense?
I'm not sure.
Immigrant Parents.
on the bright side of this snow-y & miserable day:
cake batter or cookie dough is amazing.
stay warm,
little jay
Just a thought...
What ever happened to the kindness of humanity?
I feel like humanity has been losing its compassion and morals as time goes on. It's ridiculous how judgemental and black-hearted so many people are today. Ignorance isn't bliss, it's ruining our society.
Yesterday, I went to the mall with my mom and as we were leaving the parking lot driving away, an elderly woman caught my eye on the sidewalk. She was hunched over in the bitter cold, several shopping bags hanging from her arms, and as we drove closer I was confused on what she was doing so bent over. Then I saw the cane on the ground and her frail little arms trying to reach it. At least ten people had passed right next to her on the sidewalk, some glancing, but no one stopped to help. I made my mom stop in the middle of the street so I could get out and help her with her cane. It's unbelievable that from the crowd of people swarming around her, no one bothered to help.
There's also a homeless man, well, to be honest I'm not sure if he's homeless. I believe he's mentally ill. But regardless, he used to sit in the Tim Hortins near my house, and it made me so happy to see that people would buy him soup on a cold day, or a donut if they were in the mood. Everyone in my area knows him. The Tim Hortins just switched to a new owner, and I just recently found out that the man (his name is Joe), is no longer allowed in the Tim Hortins. Now, incase you've never been to the part of Canada I live in, it gets absolutely freezing in the winter. Who gives this manager the right to kick Joe out? I understand companies have the right to refuse service, but isn't that for when someone is being disruptive, or rude? Please, enlighten me. Because other than grunts or head nods, Joe doesn't even talk.
Also at this Tim Hortins, in late September when it was getting a little chilly, there was a girl maybe about 19, who was sitting outside. I walked in with my mom, and as I stood in line for my coffee, I watched her ask people for bus money, and everyone was completely rude to her! Yes, I understand that you never know if the money will be used for the bus or not, but you don't need to be rude. You don't know someone's story. I overheard the construction workers in front of me talking about what a disgrace it was to our city, to have such poorly presented people sitting around in public places. This day, Joe was also at the Tim Hortins (before the new owner came into the picture). When I got to the register, I asked for my breakfast but also two extra coffees and extra donuts. I got my order, and shoved passed the construction workers who were huddled by the door now, outside to the girl and handed her a bag of donuts and a large coffee. It was freezing outside and she barely had on a jacket. I then went inside and gave the other coffee and bag of donuts to Joe. Let's say that shut up the arrogant construction workers.
Oh, and one of them also dropped their coffee.
Karmas a bitch, isn't it?
Kill them with Kindness,
little jay.
I feel like humanity has been losing its compassion and morals as time goes on. It's ridiculous how judgemental and black-hearted so many people are today. Ignorance isn't bliss, it's ruining our society.
Yesterday, I went to the mall with my mom and as we were leaving the parking lot driving away, an elderly woman caught my eye on the sidewalk. She was hunched over in the bitter cold, several shopping bags hanging from her arms, and as we drove closer I was confused on what she was doing so bent over. Then I saw the cane on the ground and her frail little arms trying to reach it. At least ten people had passed right next to her on the sidewalk, some glancing, but no one stopped to help. I made my mom stop in the middle of the street so I could get out and help her with her cane. It's unbelievable that from the crowd of people swarming around her, no one bothered to help.
There's also a homeless man, well, to be honest I'm not sure if he's homeless. I believe he's mentally ill. But regardless, he used to sit in the Tim Hortins near my house, and it made me so happy to see that people would buy him soup on a cold day, or a donut if they were in the mood. Everyone in my area knows him. The Tim Hortins just switched to a new owner, and I just recently found out that the man (his name is Joe), is no longer allowed in the Tim Hortins. Now, incase you've never been to the part of Canada I live in, it gets absolutely freezing in the winter. Who gives this manager the right to kick Joe out? I understand companies have the right to refuse service, but isn't that for when someone is being disruptive, or rude? Please, enlighten me. Because other than grunts or head nods, Joe doesn't even talk.
Also at this Tim Hortins, in late September when it was getting a little chilly, there was a girl maybe about 19, who was sitting outside. I walked in with my mom, and as I stood in line for my coffee, I watched her ask people for bus money, and everyone was completely rude to her! Yes, I understand that you never know if the money will be used for the bus or not, but you don't need to be rude. You don't know someone's story. I overheard the construction workers in front of me talking about what a disgrace it was to our city, to have such poorly presented people sitting around in public places. This day, Joe was also at the Tim Hortins (before the new owner came into the picture). When I got to the register, I asked for my breakfast but also two extra coffees and extra donuts. I got my order, and shoved passed the construction workers who were huddled by the door now, outside to the girl and handed her a bag of donuts and a large coffee. It was freezing outside and she barely had on a jacket. I then went inside and gave the other coffee and bag of donuts to Joe. Let's say that shut up the arrogant construction workers.
Oh, and one of them also dropped their coffee.
Karmas a bitch, isn't it?
Kill them with Kindness,
little jay.
November 16, 2011
No new beginning, is ever completely new...
I was contemplating on deleting my old blog posts, since I've recently (as in, today) re-discovered my blog. But then I decided, why delete something from my past? The past is my past, and my history makes me who I am today. So therefore, you are all blessed to still see my dirty laundry from high school. Isn't that the most exciting news?!
Let's be honest here for a second. I'm not going to say that I went on some grand adventure, travelling the world and changing my life completely in which made me so busy I couldn't blog about its excitement. No. Pure and simple? I forgot about it...
I realize, it's been since May. But with graduating in June, diploma exams, going on a family vacation to Portugal and then starting University... It completely slipped my mind.
I want to say not much has changed, but in reality it has; it just doesn't seem like it. First of all, I would say the biggest shock is university. Graduation was bittersweet, I loved leaving part of high school behind... but I can't help but sometimes think back to it, and thinking I took its simplicity for granted. I've lost friends, gained some new ones, and strengthened my friendship with old ones, while maybe drifting from others. If that makes any sense, but it's what's happened. University is like a social-life leech. It's a fun-sucker. I have yet to find that "blissful happiness" in writing papers, midterms and being a slave to my textbooks + powerpoints. For those who ask: what am I studying? Let's just say I'm learning how to save your life.
A few blogposts ago, I mentioned New York. However, I did not mention the boy I met there. Let's say, he became more than just a boy to me. Nak and I have been together for 7 months now, and I've never met someone like him. He's amazing, and not even that is the right word to describe him. For friends, I'm still close to most of the girls from high school, primarily sticking to Chandelier, Jordy, Bee, and Red. I love those girls to pieces, even though it can sometimes be a roller-coaster of ups and downs.
Oh, have I also mentioned I turned 18? You can only imagine the crazy encounters or stories I'll have with this... facepalm.
But that's for another blogpost.
here's my song of the day:
Safe by OK Sweetheart
Kill 'em with kindness ;)
little jay
Let's be honest here for a second. I'm not going to say that I went on some grand adventure, travelling the world and changing my life completely in which made me so busy I couldn't blog about its excitement. No. Pure and simple? I forgot about it...
I realize, it's been since May. But with graduating in June, diploma exams, going on a family vacation to Portugal and then starting University... It completely slipped my mind.
I want to say not much has changed, but in reality it has; it just doesn't seem like it. First of all, I would say the biggest shock is university. Graduation was bittersweet, I loved leaving part of high school behind... but I can't help but sometimes think back to it, and thinking I took its simplicity for granted. I've lost friends, gained some new ones, and strengthened my friendship with old ones, while maybe drifting from others. If that makes any sense, but it's what's happened. University is like a social-life leech. It's a fun-sucker. I have yet to find that "blissful happiness" in writing papers, midterms and being a slave to my textbooks + powerpoints. For those who ask: what am I studying? Let's just say I'm learning how to save your life.
A few blogposts ago, I mentioned New York. However, I did not mention the boy I met there. Let's say, he became more than just a boy to me. Nak and I have been together for 7 months now, and I've never met someone like him. He's amazing, and not even that is the right word to describe him. For friends, I'm still close to most of the girls from high school, primarily sticking to Chandelier, Jordy, Bee, and Red. I love those girls to pieces, even though it can sometimes be a roller-coaster of ups and downs.
Oh, have I also mentioned I turned 18? You can only imagine the crazy encounters or stories I'll have with this... facepalm.
But that's for another blogpost.
here's my song of the day:
Safe by OK Sweetheart
Kill 'em with kindness ;)
little jay
May 7, 2011
words i'll never say.
Dear ________,
I wish you realized how hard I bust my ass off in everything to make you proud for even a single second. You say I don't do anything, I know compared to you it's little, but it's not nothing. For an average person in grade 12, I think I do alot. I volunteer twice a week, work 4 times a week until 10:30/11:30 just so you don't have to pay for any of my things. I'm saving towards a car, mac book, and my spending money in Europe all for YOU not to buy it for me. I study, manage a 93 in AP English, and study my ass off as hard as I can for Chemistry. I got into the best nursing school in North America to realize the dream you had as a pediatric nurse pracitioner. I do something, hoping for even the slightest smile. And all I get in return is a blow or insult. I'm not selfish. I haven't done something for MYSELF in a long time, I don't even remember the last thing I did for myself. I get barely any sleep from staying up either doing homework, studying or coming home late from work. You didn't even ask me how my valedictorian speech went. You know how much that meant to me, especially since I wasn't expecting to be nominated. You watched me sit around my computer trying to make the best speech I could.
People always tell me I'm this great person, that I'm going to go places and that I'm this or that. I never believe them because everytime I think I'm starting to be good enough, you shut me down and show me I'm not. I'm to the point I'm going to fall over exhausted because I am physically and mentally drained of trying so hard. I'm not even done high school yet and I already feel like this. I know I lash out at times, and sometimes don't do what you ask me to do right away, but I get it done. And when I do it, I don't half ass it. And even that isn't good enough for you. It's never good enough for you. I never will be. That's what it feels like anyway.
Sorry for the disappointment.
Joana.
I wish you realized how hard I bust my ass off in everything to make you proud for even a single second. You say I don't do anything, I know compared to you it's little, but it's not nothing. For an average person in grade 12, I think I do alot. I volunteer twice a week, work 4 times a week until 10:30/11:30 just so you don't have to pay for any of my things. I'm saving towards a car, mac book, and my spending money in Europe all for YOU not to buy it for me. I study, manage a 93 in AP English, and study my ass off as hard as I can for Chemistry. I got into the best nursing school in North America to realize the dream you had as a pediatric nurse pracitioner. I do something, hoping for even the slightest smile. And all I get in return is a blow or insult. I'm not selfish. I haven't done something for MYSELF in a long time, I don't even remember the last thing I did for myself. I get barely any sleep from staying up either doing homework, studying or coming home late from work. You didn't even ask me how my valedictorian speech went. You know how much that meant to me, especially since I wasn't expecting to be nominated. You watched me sit around my computer trying to make the best speech I could.
People always tell me I'm this great person, that I'm going to go places and that I'm this or that. I never believe them because everytime I think I'm starting to be good enough, you shut me down and show me I'm not. I'm to the point I'm going to fall over exhausted because I am physically and mentally drained of trying so hard. I'm not even done high school yet and I already feel like this. I know I lash out at times, and sometimes don't do what you ask me to do right away, but I get it done. And when I do it, I don't half ass it. And even that isn't good enough for you. It's never good enough for you. I never will be. That's what it feels like anyway.
Sorry for the disappointment.
Joana.
April 25, 2011
homework does this.
hey homeskillets,
so I am writing this admist of finishing my 18 chapter analysis of Pride & Prejudice.
Yeah, you read that right, 18 chapters. I go to a catholic school, and when my english teacher pulled the "I won't give you alot of homework over the Easter Weekend" I thought she'd give us around 8 chapters.... 18.
I don't know what I'm blogging about today. I just want to ramble. My mind is eeeeevveerryywhheerreee.
Lalalalala.
Lights grow out and I can't be saavedd, Tides that I tried to swim againnnssttt!
Random Coldplay outburst.
I spent my weekend in Canmore with my famjam, my mom, dad and broski. Let's see if I mediate for a few seconds I can think of something intelligent to blog about...
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.
hehe, I used to do those all the time on msn. You guys must all think I'm high on something. IM HIGH ON LIIIIFFEE <3
here's story time with Joana about my childhood!
When I was mad, I would throw eggs at the road. My mom didn't think this was funny. I thought it was very therapeutic. I also tried to insulate eggs in my blankey in my closet in hopes I would have a little chicklet. I only learnt this year in Biology 30, that the eggs we eat are unfertilized...
There's no point to this blog. LOL.
I'm still aliveee! I wonder what it would be like to ride an alligator.
love love love,
little jay.
ps kids, don't do drugs. stay in school.
so I am writing this admist of finishing my 18 chapter analysis of Pride & Prejudice.
Yeah, you read that right, 18 chapters. I go to a catholic school, and when my english teacher pulled the "I won't give you alot of homework over the Easter Weekend" I thought she'd give us around 8 chapters.... 18.
I don't know what I'm blogging about today. I just want to ramble. My mind is eeeeevveerryywhheerreee.
Lalalalala.
Lights grow out and I can't be saavedd, Tides that I tried to swim againnnssttt!
Random Coldplay outburst.
I spent my weekend in Canmore with my famjam, my mom, dad and broski. Let's see if I mediate for a few seconds I can think of something intelligent to blog about...
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.
hehe, I used to do those all the time on msn. You guys must all think I'm high on something. IM HIGH ON LIIIIFFEE <3
here's story time with Joana about my childhood!
When I was mad, I would throw eggs at the road. My mom didn't think this was funny. I thought it was very therapeutic. I also tried to insulate eggs in my blankey in my closet in hopes I would have a little chicklet. I only learnt this year in Biology 30, that the eggs we eat are unfertilized...
There's no point to this blog. LOL.
I'm still aliveee! I wonder what it would be like to ride an alligator.
love love love,
little jay.
ps kids, don't do drugs. stay in school.
April 10, 2011
bearing the soul.
Days do get better. People need to believe that, we need to believe that things get better as time passes, and that the future is bright. Why is it a dying cancer patient can smile and hope for a cure that isn't coming, but someone living, breathing, healthy, who confronts some life problems can't see past the one road block? I'm not being naive, I know a small problem for me can be something life altering for someone else, but I also know that you never know what the future brings. I don't know if my family will win the lottery tomorrow, or if something devestating will happen that will completely alter my life and choices. Every downward spiral has it's way up, no matter how difficult. Every person has strength within themselves. Some see it and use it, others don't believe it's there, but it is. it is. Life is unexpected, no matter how much we try to plan and control it, it is uncontrollable. It is out of our hands. We can anally plan every minute in a day planner, with endless appointments, endless planned and thought out conversations with flashcards. But one event, one single moment can alter everything, and it will be something completely unplanned. If you hit rockbottom, there's a way up, because if there wasn't how would you have got there? I'm not saying you won't slip, I'm not saying it'll be easy, I'm not saying that it'll take one night, it's a journey. Everything is, and we don't have a map for it. Life isn't a geography class with planned routes and roads, predictable winding roads and hair-pin turns. We can only map out the past, and the moment we're in. The future is unknown. I guess that scares people, I know it scares me. I crap my pants thinking that next year I'm walking into university, without the safety net of high school and of knowing practically everyone for a long time. I may play it off that I'm confident about it, and ready. But boy am I not, I don't want to lose some of the people I've met in high school, I don't want to drift from the people I love dearly right now. In a way I yearn for the change, and for the new adventure, but that part of me wants things to remain in this exact moment, just for a little while. Time passes too fast. Its like I blinked in grade 8 with my health teacher saying "time passes fast, faster than you know it, you'll be graduating." Was he ever right. I don't even know where I'm going with this blogpost anymore, to be honest. blaaah, I wish people didn't give up. I wish they believed in a better day, I wish they had the strength to go on, and realize that life is unpredictable and that you never know if the next turn will be a good one... As Marilyn Monroe says, "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they are right. You believe less so eventually you trust no one but yourself. And sometimes, good things fall apart for better things to fall together."
April 3, 2011
empire state of mind :)
So much happened on this trip I think it deserves a blog post.
The trip started out with everyone having to be at the airport at 4:30 am, :) then we flew from Edmonton to Toronto (good job Crystal, you survived your first airplane ride!) then Toronto to New York.
Can we discuss how ghetto the airport was? LOL but seeing so many taxi's made our lives. (Brittany, you squealed.)
We all piled into a bus and went to our hotel, which was in Korea Town. After dumping off our stuff, we took a tour around NYC seeing things like the Trump Tower, Central Park, John Lennon's Memorial (my personal favorite <3), Lincoln Centre, Madison Square Garden, and a ton of other things. For supper we went to Bubba Gumps, I'm sure they wanted to kick us out. LOL. Our table was jamming it out and singing :D.
Day two we went hard, started out with going to the Statue of Liberty, resulting in me almost flying away on the ferry because the wind was so strong and I decided being on the top deck would be a fantastic idea. We also took a picture with a guy dressed as the statue, who then demanded 5 dollars from us... After the Statue we went to Ellis Island, missing our original ferry time because people never know what time it is. Once we got back to Battery Park, there were 3 street dancer/performers/comedians who made us have front row seats because we were the "SPARTAAANS", due to this I was pulled into the performance. Yeah, great times. The guy told me that once I would go black, I'd never go back, but with being white I was aaaaaaalways right. ;) they were hilarious. They also pulled up Brittany as the "sexy white girl" they needed! LOL. One of the guys jumped over 5 of us, it was great. Later on we walked through Wall Street, saw the Stock Market, and then made our way to Ground Zero, which was under construction. It's going to be amazing when it opens and I'm definitely visiting when it does. :) That night we went to a Jazz restaurant where we were charged 66 dollars in pop. yup, pop. I guess no one gave us the memo on refills arn't free..... Did I mention that on the second day we decided that piling 14 people into an elevator would be a fantastic idea? Yeah, that happened. 14 people were stuck in an elevator for atleast 25 minutes because the front desk wouldn't answer the alarm sound and took forever to save us. LOL, quiiiiteee the experience.
Day three, we ventured over to Rockefeller Centre (can I mention that there are flowers? in New York?), and then had a tour around Radio City. We got to go on the stage, which was amazing considering all the famous and talented people who have performed on it! Afterwards, we had an intense shopping day on 5th Avenue, hitting up the 6 floored Forever 21 primarily, along with other stores. Macy's has 9 floors and two buildings, you can only imagine how overwhelmed it is to walk into it. And that there is also a washroom every two floors...... booking it to the washroom, right cm + bi + jc?! LOL
Day Four, was our tour at NBC studios and acting workshop with Thurman E. Scott. The tour was amazing, we got to see the studio where they film Dr. Oz (<3 i died), and the studio for Saturday Night Live! After the tour, we walked over to the workshop. It was quite the....experience. He had an awkward and odd way of getting us to become "better actors". His assistants were alittle over the top... there was this one excersise where we had to talk to our "negative self" and they were LOSINNNGG it, like telling them that they needed to be murdered and that they were bitches and sluts, LOL it was an awkward situation to overhear. That night was our first Broadway Show, RAIN. It was like seeing The Beatles in concert, my life was complete. I have never been so happy and screamed so much and sang along so hard, it was amazing. <3 <3 considering there arn't time machines, it was practically like seeing The Beatles. They sounded identical, I shit you not.
Day Five, we walked literally like, 20 km around Manhattan. hitting up places like CHINA TOWN! :) Jenna got hit on by a black man in McDonald's, apperantly she's a "squealer"! We walked over to the "white horse tavern" where Bob Dylan performed, Tanner was quite relieved in a cuban place where he left his communist shirt... (I won't reveal details tanner LOL) and where i also tripped over two curbs and walked into a parking meter. Later that night, we all got our fancy on and went to our second broadway show, Wicked. This show is SICK, I definitely want to see it again when it comes to the Jubilee. The set, the actors, the story line and their voices are absolutely mindblowing. I reccommend it to everyone and anyone. It's also hilarious, which I didn't expect at all =P.
Day Six, we went over to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, can I just say it's huuuuge? There's so many displays, and sadly this was the day our tour guide Louis (aka Yellowman) had left us with a woman who got us lost going to our hotel. I mean, no hate, but when we get used to yellowman talking and being so friendly and so informative, it's hard to walk behind a lady holding up an umbrella, giving no information and getting us lost. Afterwards, we walked over the United Nations and were given a tour. Our headphones had the worst static of life, i could hear the tourguide better with them off. But we got to see the conference rooms and everything the United Nations does, which was cool. :) It was also our final night at Bubba Gumps!
Day Seven, the last day.
It was mostly designated as a shopping day. EXCEPT, we were supposed to be on the Today Show! People were always late which lead us to missing our bus and not being able to get there on time. :( But we managed to subway by ourselves to Shoe Mania! Quite proud, not getting lost in New York City. :) It was sad leaving the hotel room, BUT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM WE FOUND "BLOOD" ON THE CURTAIN. Yeah, that's right people. Blood. It was questionable....
I want to thank everyone for making this trip, it was the highlight of my final year at O'Leary. It was great making new friendships, and rekindling friendships with cast family <3, being there with all you guys made every moment worth it. Our happy laughing moments, to our grumpy no-sleep moments (no names ;)), freeezing our butts off, getting seperated by ferries, almost getting hit by taxi's, experiencing thurman e. scott, pranks. Everything. I know I'm probably missing alot out, but just add them in the comments, :) thank you to everyone, I will never forget this. I really wish it wasn't over, and that it hadn't passed as fast as it did.
love you all,
Joana :)
The trip started out with everyone having to be at the airport at 4:30 am, :) then we flew from Edmonton to Toronto (good job Crystal, you survived your first airplane ride!) then Toronto to New York.
Can we discuss how ghetto the airport was? LOL but seeing so many taxi's made our lives. (Brittany, you squealed.)
We all piled into a bus and went to our hotel, which was in Korea Town. After dumping off our stuff, we took a tour around NYC seeing things like the Trump Tower, Central Park, John Lennon's Memorial (my personal favorite <3), Lincoln Centre, Madison Square Garden, and a ton of other things. For supper we went to Bubba Gumps, I'm sure they wanted to kick us out. LOL. Our table was jamming it out and singing :D.
Day two we went hard, started out with going to the Statue of Liberty, resulting in me almost flying away on the ferry because the wind was so strong and I decided being on the top deck would be a fantastic idea. We also took a picture with a guy dressed as the statue, who then demanded 5 dollars from us... After the Statue we went to Ellis Island, missing our original ferry time because people never know what time it is. Once we got back to Battery Park, there were 3 street dancer/performers/comedians who made us have front row seats because we were the "SPARTAAANS", due to this I was pulled into the performance. Yeah, great times. The guy told me that once I would go black, I'd never go back, but with being white I was aaaaaaalways right. ;) they were hilarious. They also pulled up Brittany as the "sexy white girl" they needed! LOL. One of the guys jumped over 5 of us, it was great. Later on we walked through Wall Street, saw the Stock Market, and then made our way to Ground Zero, which was under construction. It's going to be amazing when it opens and I'm definitely visiting when it does. :) That night we went to a Jazz restaurant where we were charged 66 dollars in pop. yup, pop. I guess no one gave us the memo on refills arn't free..... Did I mention that on the second day we decided that piling 14 people into an elevator would be a fantastic idea? Yeah, that happened. 14 people were stuck in an elevator for atleast 25 minutes because the front desk wouldn't answer the alarm sound and took forever to save us. LOL, quiiiiteee the experience.
Day three, we ventured over to Rockefeller Centre (can I mention that there are flowers? in New York?), and then had a tour around Radio City. We got to go on the stage, which was amazing considering all the famous and talented people who have performed on it! Afterwards, we had an intense shopping day on 5th Avenue, hitting up the 6 floored Forever 21 primarily, along with other stores. Macy's has 9 floors and two buildings, you can only imagine how overwhelmed it is to walk into it. And that there is also a washroom every two floors...... booking it to the washroom, right cm + bi + jc?! LOL
Day Four, was our tour at NBC studios and acting workshop with Thurman E. Scott. The tour was amazing, we got to see the studio where they film Dr. Oz (<3 i died), and the studio for Saturday Night Live! After the tour, we walked over to the workshop. It was quite the....experience. He had an awkward and odd way of getting us to become "better actors". His assistants were alittle over the top... there was this one excersise where we had to talk to our "negative self" and they were LOSINNNGG it, like telling them that they needed to be murdered and that they were bitches and sluts, LOL it was an awkward situation to overhear. That night was our first Broadway Show, RAIN. It was like seeing The Beatles in concert, my life was complete. I have never been so happy and screamed so much and sang along so hard, it was amazing. <3 <3 considering there arn't time machines, it was practically like seeing The Beatles. They sounded identical, I shit you not.
Day Five, we walked literally like, 20 km around Manhattan. hitting up places like CHINA TOWN! :) Jenna got hit on by a black man in McDonald's, apperantly she's a "squealer"! We walked over to the "white horse tavern" where Bob Dylan performed, Tanner was quite relieved in a cuban place where he left his communist shirt... (I won't reveal details tanner LOL) and where i also tripped over two curbs and walked into a parking meter. Later that night, we all got our fancy on and went to our second broadway show, Wicked. This show is SICK, I definitely want to see it again when it comes to the Jubilee. The set, the actors, the story line and their voices are absolutely mindblowing. I reccommend it to everyone and anyone. It's also hilarious, which I didn't expect at all =P.
Day Six, we went over to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, can I just say it's huuuuge? There's so many displays, and sadly this was the day our tour guide Louis (aka Yellowman) had left us with a woman who got us lost going to our hotel. I mean, no hate, but when we get used to yellowman talking and being so friendly and so informative, it's hard to walk behind a lady holding up an umbrella, giving no information and getting us lost. Afterwards, we walked over the United Nations and were given a tour. Our headphones had the worst static of life, i could hear the tourguide better with them off. But we got to see the conference rooms and everything the United Nations does, which was cool. :) It was also our final night at Bubba Gumps!
Day Seven, the last day.
It was mostly designated as a shopping day. EXCEPT, we were supposed to be on the Today Show! People were always late which lead us to missing our bus and not being able to get there on time. :( But we managed to subway by ourselves to Shoe Mania! Quite proud, not getting lost in New York City. :) It was sad leaving the hotel room, BUT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM WE FOUND "BLOOD" ON THE CURTAIN. Yeah, that's right people. Blood. It was questionable....
I want to thank everyone for making this trip, it was the highlight of my final year at O'Leary. It was great making new friendships, and rekindling friendships with cast family <3, being there with all you guys made every moment worth it. Our happy laughing moments, to our grumpy no-sleep moments (no names ;)), freeezing our butts off, getting seperated by ferries, almost getting hit by taxi's, experiencing thurman e. scott, pranks. Everything. I know I'm probably missing alot out, but just add them in the comments, :) thank you to everyone, I will never forget this. I really wish it wasn't over, and that it hadn't passed as fast as it did.
love you all,
Joana :)
March 2, 2011
Don't put up a missing person ad!
Yeah... I definitely didn't die.
I'm sorry I've been gone since November, I wish I could say it was something interesting like a trip to the rain forest where I got lost and joined a tribe surviving off the land until a helicopter found me... but that is definitely not the case.
I'm still in high school, there are 93 days until Graduation and 114 days until my last diploma exam where I will be forever done high school.
Pretty much I've been caught up with school and working, and if you all want me to be brutally honest, I haven't been in the mood to blog at all. I just felt like I had nothing to blog about, really. My life isn't THAT interesting.
But recently I've had a change of heart. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel inspired. I've also had a few realizations throughout my time away from the blog, but fo now I'll blog again later. :) Now you all know I'm not dead!
love love love,
little jay.
I'm sorry I've been gone since November, I wish I could say it was something interesting like a trip to the rain forest where I got lost and joined a tribe surviving off the land until a helicopter found me... but that is definitely not the case.
I'm still in high school, there are 93 days until Graduation and 114 days until my last diploma exam where I will be forever done high school.
Pretty much I've been caught up with school and working, and if you all want me to be brutally honest, I haven't been in the mood to blog at all. I just felt like I had nothing to blog about, really. My life isn't THAT interesting.
But recently I've had a change of heart. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel inspired. I've also had a few realizations throughout my time away from the blog, but fo now I'll blog again later. :) Now you all know I'm not dead!
love love love,
little jay.
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