Everyone has an idol. It can be a rockstar, an actor/actress, anyone. Mine happens to be my best friend. As you all know from my previous post (two months ago), she was diagnosed with cancer. Since then she has done 4 chemo treatments, and her arm has shrunken significantly to the point where she can fit in her old t-shirts again. I almost burst into tears or shit my pants (or a combination) when she showed me that she had mobility again and started moving her shoulder in a way I hadn't seen in months. Since her diagnosis she has spent most of her time in the hospital, but even so we make time to see each other at least once a week (with a half hour drive on my part, but distance means nothing to me).
I wasn't sure how cancer would take a toll on her. I knew she was strong, I never doubted that for a second. I also knew she was going to lose all her hair and be weaker from the chemotherapy. But I was afraid of how her personality would change.Throughout all of this, I admire how she's stayed the same person: goofy, loving, bubbly and silly. Her confidence floors me, and she gives me strength and inspires me to move forward in my life no matter what I face. When I first saw her without her hair, I'll admit, I was stunned. I didn't know how to feel: angry because she didn't deserve to go through this? sad? I didn't know. But thirty seconds from walking into the hospital room, she began to make bald jokes and even convinced me to pet her head which "felt like a puppy".
I know that she has a long journey ahead of her, and that she has 27 treatments to go but everyday is a day closer to her being healthy again. I can't wait until we can take a road trip down to California and hunt down all the food trucks (because now, she is obsessed with the food network), or go back to New York City together. She'll make it through this with grace and beauty, just how she's overcome everything else in her life; and I'll be right beside her just like I always have. I love you cm/miley/chandelier <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
September 8, 2012
July 17, 2012
life stopping moments
Today marks a week that I received some news that literally changed my life. I'm 18, so my life changing moments have been at a minimum. Now I presume that common 18-year-old life changing moments include falling in love, moving out, or spontaneously deciding on a new travel adventure like backpacking in Australia. What I assume isn't as common at 18, is finding out your best friend has cancer.
That single word can shatter lives, it's ridiculous how big of an impact it has. Let me tell you, I'm not a crier and that word reduced me back into being a child wailing at the top of my lungs, leaving my parents and boyfriend at a loss at words as to what to say or do to calm me down. My dad was so shocked to see me in this state that he even went to water the lawn at 12:30 am as I bawled on my moms bed. But I know as shattered as I was at the news, I was no where as impacted as my friend was and her family.
She has been suffering with extreme shoulder pain since January, and was repeatedly misdiagnosed. As her shoulder began to mysteriously swell, it puzzled seven doctors. "Frozen Shoulder" "Torn Deltoid" "Muscle Mass" "Dislocated Shoulder" -- no one was coming up with the right answer. Finally after months of pointless physio, and a massive growth and insane swelling in her shoulder taking it twice its normal size, she went to emergency. It was then that they finally took her seriously, booked her an MRI followed by a biopsy and within a week and a half (give or take a few days) we knew what it was. Osteosarcoma.
As heavy as the diagnosis was, we were all glad that finally she had an answer and can begin to get better. Currently she is doing scans and tests so doctors can begin treatment options so she can kick this to the curb and into the past. Despite all of this, I whole-heartedly know that she will be okay. She's one of the strongest people I know, and as much as this may hurt me, I know I have to be strong for her too.
June 21, 2012
A petty thing called human nature
Some movies resonate with me so much that it's all I can think about. The first movie to ever do this to me was Blood Diamond. Yes although Leonardo DiCaprio is the main character, the story about the diamond trade and how the people in Sierra Leona are treated (children included -- child soldiers) inspired me to a point that to this day I want to go to Africa.
The most recent movie to do this to me is The Help. After the movie was over I started thinking about how much has changed, but also how little has changed. I understand that the 1960s have gone and passed, but even though there isn't such blatant discrimination as there was back then, the fact that it still exists in 2012 is disgusting. Humans discriminate on every level. In the movie, it was on race. Coloured women were house maids and nannies, and treated like shit to put it nicely. My mom is a housemaid. She busts her butt off working with severe Carpal Tunnel in both wrists, and even just to think of her being treated differently because of that is sickening. Discrimination today is a lot more subtle (in most cases -- not all), but still spreads off into so many branches; skin colour, ethnicity, religion, jobs, income, social status, mental capability, sexuality.
And honestly, so what? So what if you're black, brown, white, hell even be cheetah print if you want to. So what if you're a cashier at Wal-Mart? So what if you've had to be held back in school because of a learning disability? So what if you believe in one God, no God or several Gods? So what if you like men, women or both? Strip it all down, we are all the same inside. We're all the same species, we have the same organs, more or less have the same feelings and if you took everything away; jobs, income, skin colour, religion, ethnicity: no one would be able to tell who was who. We would just be human.
But that's just never going to happen right? Because as human as we are, we're also inhumane. Selfishness, jealousy, all the ugly things sprouting in humans are what destroy us, and really one day I honestly think it'll kill us.
The most recent movie to do this to me is The Help. After the movie was over I started thinking about how much has changed, but also how little has changed. I understand that the 1960s have gone and passed, but even though there isn't such blatant discrimination as there was back then, the fact that it still exists in 2012 is disgusting. Humans discriminate on every level. In the movie, it was on race. Coloured women were house maids and nannies, and treated like shit to put it nicely. My mom is a housemaid. She busts her butt off working with severe Carpal Tunnel in both wrists, and even just to think of her being treated differently because of that is sickening. Discrimination today is a lot more subtle (in most cases -- not all), but still spreads off into so many branches; skin colour, ethnicity, religion, jobs, income, social status, mental capability, sexuality.
And honestly, so what? So what if you're black, brown, white, hell even be cheetah print if you want to. So what if you're a cashier at Wal-Mart? So what if you've had to be held back in school because of a learning disability? So what if you believe in one God, no God or several Gods? So what if you like men, women or both? Strip it all down, we are all the same inside. We're all the same species, we have the same organs, more or less have the same feelings and if you took everything away; jobs, income, skin colour, religion, ethnicity: no one would be able to tell who was who. We would just be human.
But that's just never going to happen right? Because as human as we are, we're also inhumane. Selfishness, jealousy, all the ugly things sprouting in humans are what destroy us, and really one day I honestly think it'll kill us.
May 29, 2012
for the love of a daughter
Sometimes when I start to get inside my head, I find it almost impossible to get back out. Sometimes I just get so lost in my emotions that I don't even know what I'm feeling, if that makes any sense.
I can only breakdown in front of one person in my whole family: my dad. I've never met someone so carefree and happy, or someone who is such a hard worker. He works so hard and so far away that since as long as I can remember (back into grade 3 or so) I've seen him on an every two week schedule, ie. he's working 10-14 days, he comes home for 2-3. Now I know I'm not one to complain, compared to military families who have to go without their family members for months at a time, I've got it pretty good. Sometimes if the stars align and we're lucky, my dad even has a job near the city and can be at home for a few months. But instead of getting easier, I feel like him being away just gets harder. Maybe it's because as things intensify with my mom I miss him being around as my support system and my saving grace. My dad is very much "push the bird out of the nest and make them fly" while my mom is very "as she gets older, tighten the leash", and without my dad peacekeeping among us; it's this never ending struggle of me trying to claim my independence while my mother tries to fit me back into being a four year old. It's just getting a little tiring to face it by myself.
I don't blame my mom, I know that she loves me and I honestly wish I could have the relationship I have with my dad, with her. And while our relationship has improved slightly, it's still lacking and I just can't figure out what to do to keep moving forward. With my dad it's easy: I don't even have to say anything, he just knows.
I just miss him -- alot. That's all.
May 22, 2012
let it be, let it be
Sometimes I sit and think of how much has changed in the past few years of my life; how much I've changed. In high school I don't think I could've been any more naive. I've always wanted the best for the people around me and never wished less than my best intentions in my friendships and relationships, but it never occurred me that people could use other people as a time card: check in when you need something, check out when you're done.
Now in high school this concept applied slightly, but not much since everyone saw everyone almost everyday of the week. But since graduating a year ago, I couldn't have witnessed this more. I'm the kind of person that likes to be on good terms with everyone, making sure everyone is okay, that they know they have someone to talk to and ultimately, I sincerely felt it was my job to hold "the group" together. Let me tell you this was exhausting physically, mentally and emotionally. One of the hardest things, if not the hardest, I've had to learn since graduation was laissez-faire just let it be. Let it be. Let the people who want to talk to me, talk to me. Let the people who want to make the effort, make that effort. Let those who want to be in my life, IN my life and those who don't, just let them go. I'm not going to lie, I struggled a lot feeling distant from my friends and isolated, even though in reality I wasn't but a person can't control how they feel. I cried, I got angry, I had hissy fits; I did all the stereotypical-emotional girl things. I would graciously open my arms to the people in my life who needed me, be there for them, then sit there confused when they would walk out again and disappear for awhile, then re-appear when something else went wrong. Needless to say, I caught on eventually.
I'm not saying I won't help those who come to me. I think there will always be that part inside of me that will need or even want to help them, and that is always who I'll be. But I've come to a happy medium of keeping those who make the effort with me around more often. My friends circle decreased significantly, but that doesn't bother me in the slightest. Relationships (friendships, love, family) should be easy. They shouldn't make you feel like shit about yourself, they shouldn't be destructive, unhealthy, high maitnence: they should just be. They are meant for support, love, strength and providing confidence and encouragement in your life. Relationships have hiccups, but if its 90% bad and 10% good... you might want to re-evaluate. It's better to have those true few, then a plethora of fakes.
March 28, 2012
just another blog post second of the day! don't mind me.
this is my life. (NOT WRITTEN BY ME.)
You know you're a nursing student when:
You know you're a nursing student when:
- You watch medical shows and comment the whole way through about how that scenario would NEVER happen in real life... or that the doctor is using his stethescope backwards
- You cringe when someone around you doesn't cover his cough or sneezes into her hands
- Your friends and family members come to you with their minor medical problems and expect you to be able to diagnose them
- People look at you weird when you use medical terms in everyday conversations
- You use your family members to practice physical assessments and taking vitals, and volunteer to bandage their boo-boos
- 6 hours of clinical prep have you stressed out all week long
- Your friends have banned you from talking about class and/or clinical while eating
- You notice when someone you're introduced to has really good veins
- You wish that caffeine came in IV form
- You self diagnose with whatever disease you've been reading about in your textbook, even the mental ones
- You turn of the faucet and open the door in public restrooms by using a paper towel... and carry hand sanitizer in your backpack
- When you enter a classroom with a hand sanitizer dispenser outside the door you gel in and gel out
- You get excited when someone says there's a dressing change or catheter to be done on the unit
- Your birthday and Christmas lists consist of nursing "toys"
- The correct answer is not on the test, and you could have argued 3 of the 4 answers
- The words "care plan" give you a headache
word.
real talk.
Today we're going to talk about relationships -- or should i say real-ationships.
An unrealistic amount of relationships are fake now a days, friendships are taken for grated, people use dating as an excuse for sex or comfort or a security blanket. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but sweetheart, your relationship isn't going to work if you're not going to be real with yourself, and the other person: be it friend, boyfriend, cousin, pupil. That shit is not happening. To be real, you have to be you. None of that happy sappy bullshit, where you pretend you are the supremely confident supermodel type who can speak 12 languages, but the girl who is down to earth, has her insecurities (we're girls. we all have them, fess up) and hell if you can speak 12 languages, props to you. I speak two and still have word dyslexia.
You can't build a relationship off bullshit, you can try, but it won't work... and if it works for awhile, it won't work forever. Hate to break your happiness bubble. You have to be truthful to the other person, maybe you don't have to tell them about your past (we all have something we're not proud of), but don't pretend to be something your not because that just leads into that other person falling inlove/liking this person you have now created, and when you get tired playing dress up, they're just like wtf? Who is this girl? To be yourself with this said person, first of all, you have to KNOW who you are. Thirteen-year-olds, lets face it, you don't know what you're doing at 13. I was the most messed up kid at 13, I wanted to be emo-sob-about-my-life-and-how-horrible-it-is, but then spontaneously wanted to become a fashion designer. Now here I am, 18 and neither. Maybe your relationship will last at 13, my parents did. But that's also my parents. This isn't the olden days anymore, our priorities are effed up.
So now that we know who we are, secondly, KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. Do you want the Marilyn Manson type? Leonardo DiCaprio? Do you want a Hugh Heffner-kinda guy who'll leave you millions when he dies? But please, make this decision realistically. There is only one Matthew Mcconaughey in our world, and he's busy and most likely taken. Once you know that, you won't fall into the arms of the countless other dudes who are just so wrong for you, and who leave you bawling your eyes out and pigging out on Ben and Jerrys. Saves you tears, time AND those extra 15 lbs you would gain then later cry over. For friendships, don't have these unrealistic expectations and expect everyone to be perfect. People make mistakes, we're human not robotic.
And lastly, don't make relationships your security blanket. No one wants a stage 5 clinger, neither as a girlfriend or best friend. We need oxygen to breathe, kinda hard when you're taking it all up in my bubble...
There you go. Summary?
1. KNOW WHO YOU ARE
2. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
3. DON'T BREATHE OTHER PEOPLES OXYGEN -- just kidding. But seriously. No stage 5 clingerness.
March 20, 2012
how the gods tried to smite me
Have you ever had one of those mornings where just everything, literally, everything goes wrong and it's like some supernatural force is trying to keep you from school?
Yeah. Today was that day.
First and foremost, my usually very reliable alarm clock decided it needed a mental health day. I woke up late. That in itself is already stressful because as you LEAP out of bed you're listing in your mind everything you have to get done in the next 45 minutes to leave on time, catch the train then the bus to make it to that really boring 8 am class.
Through the mayhem of getting ready, making breakfast, eating breakfast, making my lunch. Whilst in the middle of trying to pack a semi-decent/healthy lunch I find we have nothing at home that can be used for a sandwich. WHO DOESN'T HAVE SANDWICH CONDIMENTS? Apparently, my household. I did not want to take two plain breadslices to school so I opted for an overabundance of fruits and vegetables (to where my boyfriend called me a herbivore....). Anyway, after all that I finally grabbed all my school stuff while also making my bed so my nazi mother doesn't lose it on me... And I somehow manage to be out the door by 6:55... olympic record, set by yours truly.
I thought I was out of the supernatural wrath, only to get to my car and it decide it too wanted to take a mental health day and not start. Given, it was pretty cold and he's an old fellow, but really car? We've been friends for 10 days and I've been nothing but nice to you! Finally I got the bugger to start, and I let the car start to warm up as I scrapped the frost off my windshield after a search for one of those dual-ended-scrapper-things-you-buy-at-hardware-stores. Yes people, frost. Spring doesn't exist in Canada. I worked those biceps making sure I could clearly see, proud of my scraping abilities I got in the car and began to reverse, by this time it being 7:05. My train comes at 7:12. As I was backing up, slowly a sheet of fog or sleet or whatever the heck it was started to coat my window so I literally could see nothing. NOTHING. Out of the 6 windows in this car, all of them were impossible to see through.
I parked back into the driveway and called my mom. She drove me to the station. I missed my train. Once I got on the next train, I missed my bus. And I walked from the station to the school (closest station, not the one by my house.... I'd be here when it'd be time to go home).
And there you have it, how the gods tried to smite me into not going to school.
Yeah. Today was that day.
First and foremost, my usually very reliable alarm clock decided it needed a mental health day. I woke up late. That in itself is already stressful because as you LEAP out of bed you're listing in your mind everything you have to get done in the next 45 minutes to leave on time, catch the train then the bus to make it to that really boring 8 am class.
Through the mayhem of getting ready, making breakfast, eating breakfast, making my lunch. Whilst in the middle of trying to pack a semi-decent/healthy lunch I find we have nothing at home that can be used for a sandwich. WHO DOESN'T HAVE SANDWICH CONDIMENTS? Apparently, my household. I did not want to take two plain breadslices to school so I opted for an overabundance of fruits and vegetables (to where my boyfriend called me a herbivore....). Anyway, after all that I finally grabbed all my school stuff while also making my bed so my nazi mother doesn't lose it on me... And I somehow manage to be out the door by 6:55... olympic record, set by yours truly.
I thought I was out of the supernatural wrath, only to get to my car and it decide it too wanted to take a mental health day and not start. Given, it was pretty cold and he's an old fellow, but really car? We've been friends for 10 days and I've been nothing but nice to you! Finally I got the bugger to start, and I let the car start to warm up as I scrapped the frost off my windshield after a search for one of those dual-ended-scrapper-things-you-buy-at-hardware-stores. Yes people, frost. Spring doesn't exist in Canada. I worked those biceps making sure I could clearly see, proud of my scraping abilities I got in the car and began to reverse, by this time it being 7:05. My train comes at 7:12. As I was backing up, slowly a sheet of fog or sleet or whatever the heck it was started to coat my window so I literally could see nothing. NOTHING. Out of the 6 windows in this car, all of them were impossible to see through.
I parked back into the driveway and called my mom. She drove me to the station. I missed my train. Once I got on the next train, I missed my bus. And I walked from the station to the school (closest station, not the one by my house.... I'd be here when it'd be time to go home).
And there you have it, how the gods tried to smite me into not going to school.
March 7, 2012
KONY 2012: not just about KONY
I'm going to get right in and personal here.
I'm sure by now most of you have heard about KONY 2012, if not, here's the video.
Now, lots of conspiracies have arisen in the last 48 hours that the video was brought live and educated a lot of people about what is happening Uganda. I've personally known about the LRA, children soldiers, their forced mutilation and killing for years now. This doesn't just happen in Uganda, it happens in the Congo, Sierra Leona, and I'm more than positive that the LRA is not the only rebel group.
Now with this being said, I'm not belittling the director and Invisible Children's goal, but I'm not supporting this because of catching a dictator. It's naive to think that capturing one will stop it all, it doesn't work that way. Joseph Kony has been corrupting the children he abducts for 26 years, but ruining African childrens' lives has been happening decades before that. Not only that, but Kony must have allies, accomplices who I am sure will try to continue on his work. Don't get me wrong, I'm hopeful this will change at least something in Africa, and I'm more than hopeful it'll carry on an effect other areas and third world countries. Personally I'm glad someone is taking a step, the KONY project finally educated the people who needed to be educated on what's happening in our world. Of course there will be ignorance, everyone has a different opinion. But I sincerely sincerely hope that this doesn't just "disappear" in a week. I'm not supporting this for KONY, I'm supporting for giving his LRA children and the children he would've abducted a chance, with the hope that this will cause a ripple effect and bring light to other injustices in our world.
Raising awareness is vital, how can people know what's going on without the proper information? And I personally believe that the way this campaign is being marketed is both great but questionable, a double-ended sword. What makes it questionable for me, is the plea for donations for a different organization. I haven't researched into it thus far, but just from the video itself, I think there should have been more information according to the donation process, where the money goes, what percent of it is received (like, hello. not 100% won't be, the movie has quite some special effects.) and the charities relationship (TRI) with Invisible Children. But I think it's very successful for these individuals and organization to raise awareness and market in such a large industry in the world: social networking. The simplicity of just sharing the video to make Joseph Kony famous and recognized globally to ensure his arrest is genius, but I hope that my fellow peers and friends won't just stop at that. I'm not saying to fly all the way to Africa tomorrow and go catch Kony with your bare hands, (that's extremist even for me) but advocate for this. Not only for the KONY project, but also for organizations such as World Vision and UNICEF. These unfortunate children, not only in Uganda but Sierrra Leona, South Africa, Southern America, Timor, everywhere in the world, need a voice and through social networking we can be their voice. Don't just stop at KONY, he's one man of the thousands and millions out there taking the childhood and innocence of children globally.
I'm sure by now most of you have heard about KONY 2012, if not, here's the video.
Now, lots of conspiracies have arisen in the last 48 hours that the video was brought live and educated a lot of people about what is happening Uganda. I've personally known about the LRA, children soldiers, their forced mutilation and killing for years now. This doesn't just happen in Uganda, it happens in the Congo, Sierra Leona, and I'm more than positive that the LRA is not the only rebel group.
Now with this being said, I'm not belittling the director and Invisible Children's goal, but I'm not supporting this because of catching a dictator. It's naive to think that capturing one will stop it all, it doesn't work that way. Joseph Kony has been corrupting the children he abducts for 26 years, but ruining African childrens' lives has been happening decades before that. Not only that, but Kony must have allies, accomplices who I am sure will try to continue on his work. Don't get me wrong, I'm hopeful this will change at least something in Africa, and I'm more than hopeful it'll carry on an effect other areas and third world countries. Personally I'm glad someone is taking a step, the KONY project finally educated the people who needed to be educated on what's happening in our world. Of course there will be ignorance, everyone has a different opinion. But I sincerely sincerely hope that this doesn't just "disappear" in a week. I'm not supporting this for KONY, I'm supporting for giving his LRA children and the children he would've abducted a chance, with the hope that this will cause a ripple effect and bring light to other injustices in our world.
Raising awareness is vital, how can people know what's going on without the proper information? And I personally believe that the way this campaign is being marketed is both great but questionable, a double-ended sword. What makes it questionable for me, is the plea for donations for a different organization. I haven't researched into it thus far, but just from the video itself, I think there should have been more information according to the donation process, where the money goes, what percent of it is received (like, hello. not 100% won't be, the movie has quite some special effects.) and the charities relationship (TRI) with Invisible Children. But I think it's very successful for these individuals and organization to raise awareness and market in such a large industry in the world: social networking. The simplicity of just sharing the video to make Joseph Kony famous and recognized globally to ensure his arrest is genius, but I hope that my fellow peers and friends won't just stop at that. I'm not saying to fly all the way to Africa tomorrow and go catch Kony with your bare hands, (that's extremist even for me) but advocate for this. Not only for the KONY project, but also for organizations such as World Vision and UNICEF. These unfortunate children, not only in Uganda but Sierrra Leona, South Africa, Southern America, Timor, everywhere in the world, need a voice and through social networking we can be their voice. Don't just stop at KONY, he's one man of the thousands and millions out there taking the childhood and innocence of children globally.
March 3, 2012
Wallet Saver Update!
hello hello, two blogs in one day? It must be an apocalypse! No need to worry, I'm just popping on really quick to share an update on my progress with "the wallet saver" (link! if you haven't seen it yet, there it is). Pretty much it's my attempt to save money. :) So far, it has been a success!
My first challenge was make up (PROJECT 10 PAN).
I'm proud to say I have almost used up:
I think I'm going to continue this little project, to refrain from over spending on make up and after I reach my goal of completely using up 10 items, I've decided to only purchase something new after I finish another product. ie, want a new foundation? finish the other one!
Also for my make up, I went on a major purge. I'm glad to say that I have condensed my make up collection from a ridiculously packed four drawers and hoarding in my purse, to a neat three drawered plastic container and have given away: over 10 eyeshadow pallets, several nail polishes, several lipsticks/glosses, a few blushes, some powders and a foundation.
My second challenge was clothing, and it's safe to say I have not bought anything and broken my rule of no clothes spending until April 24th! And, I have also been shopping my closet and trying to make different outfits of the clothes I do have and never wear! I have also planned for after the wallet saver money goal is achieved, I will separate small amounts of my pay cheques into a "shopping fund" and save up for the clothing items/shopping trips I want! So, another success!
My final challenge was my spending, and it was still a success, but still a work in progress. I have gone over my budgets of 15-20 dollars a month a few times, which is acceptable under some circumstances. Also a lot of my friends birthdays were in February, so I had to of course get them presents! Not to add the few concert tickets I've bought... I've definitely gone over. But I do make sure I'm careful with the spending, and I haven't exceeded my budgets by very much! But of course, cutting down ones spending is not something that happens over night!
All in all, the wallet saver has been a success! I have almost reached my money saving goal, and then afterwards will increase it again and continue the project, but not as strictly!
I hope those of you who are trying the wallet saver as well are just as successful!
saving not spending,
little jo
My first challenge was make up (PROJECT 10 PAN).
I'm proud to say I have almost used up:
- MAC studio fix foundation
- a Lancome eye shadow
- Benefit's they're real mascara
- Smashbox full exposure mascara
- MAC splashproof mascara
- an Elizabeth Arden blush
- and finally, a MAC studio fix powder
I think I'm going to continue this little project, to refrain from over spending on make up and after I reach my goal of completely using up 10 items, I've decided to only purchase something new after I finish another product. ie, want a new foundation? finish the other one!
Also for my make up, I went on a major purge. I'm glad to say that I have condensed my make up collection from a ridiculously packed four drawers and hoarding in my purse, to a neat three drawered plastic container and have given away: over 10 eyeshadow pallets, several nail polishes, several lipsticks/glosses, a few blushes, some powders and a foundation.
My second challenge was clothing, and it's safe to say I have not bought anything and broken my rule of no clothes spending until April 24th! And, I have also been shopping my closet and trying to make different outfits of the clothes I do have and never wear! I have also planned for after the wallet saver money goal is achieved, I will separate small amounts of my pay cheques into a "shopping fund" and save up for the clothing items/shopping trips I want! So, another success!
My final challenge was my spending, and it was still a success, but still a work in progress. I have gone over my budgets of 15-20 dollars a month a few times, which is acceptable under some circumstances. Also a lot of my friends birthdays were in February, so I had to of course get them presents! Not to add the few concert tickets I've bought... I've definitely gone over. But I do make sure I'm careful with the spending, and I haven't exceeded my budgets by very much! But of course, cutting down ones spending is not something that happens over night!
All in all, the wallet saver has been a success! I have almost reached my money saving goal, and then afterwards will increase it again and continue the project, but not as strictly!
I hope those of you who are trying the wallet saver as well are just as successful!
saving not spending,
little jo
I was abducted by aliens and taken to mars...
Just kidding. School has once again overtaken my life and it's a bit difficult to find a balance between studying, working, maintaining a skeleton social life with my friends, time with my family, seeing my boyfriend, you get the picture? But it would be pretty sweet to be abducted by aliens...
So I don't have very much to blog about, but there's a couple things that are blogworthy. Since working in the hospital for school, it's been a real eye opener to things in my life. I always thought I was appreciating the little things, but I can only say I've been hypocritical when I see the amazing people on the unit I'm working on. I've never seen such strength, determination and inspiration. Working with these people has made me look around at my life and appreciate everything that much more, and appreciate everyday given to me that much more. I'll be honest, I don't always live life to the fullest. If I was to pass away, I would have a lot of things left I would want to do. Maybe I'm making excuses by saying I just don't have the time, but as a student drowning in midterms it's difficult to find the time and money to do some of these things. So I decided, why not make a bucket list? No, I'm not about to die of some terminal disease, but with a reminder of the things I want to do, perhaps it'll focus me, and I'll get most or all of them done.
1. save a life
2. overcome my fear of heights and sky dive
3. go to disney land -- i've never been. i'm 18 and deprived.
4. make a change in someone
5. do something that really matters
6. volunteer in a third world country
5. go to africa and work on an orphanage (the above is similar but not quite the same)
7. do something spontaneous
8. do something I would originally never ever do
9. learn to surf, and actually stand on ONE wave -- one because if you know me, i'm horrible uncoordinated
10. sing really drunk and horrible karaoke.
11. watch the sunset on the beach with the love of my life
12. see new york again
13. do something life changing for 3 people. -- a la pay it forward.
14. get at tattoo
I have a lot more, but that's just a snippet of the things I want to accomplish. Who knows, maybe I've subconsciously done some of these but if I've done it once I'll do it again! I don't want to live my life with any regrets or "what ifs" and I want to appreciate to the fullest everyday I'm given to live. Life is short, and passes too fast and before you know it everything you wanted to do, you can't anymore.
peace and love,
little jay
So I don't have very much to blog about, but there's a couple things that are blogworthy. Since working in the hospital for school, it's been a real eye opener to things in my life. I always thought I was appreciating the little things, but I can only say I've been hypocritical when I see the amazing people on the unit I'm working on. I've never seen such strength, determination and inspiration. Working with these people has made me look around at my life and appreciate everything that much more, and appreciate everyday given to me that much more. I'll be honest, I don't always live life to the fullest. If I was to pass away, I would have a lot of things left I would want to do. Maybe I'm making excuses by saying I just don't have the time, but as a student drowning in midterms it's difficult to find the time and money to do some of these things. So I decided, why not make a bucket list? No, I'm not about to die of some terminal disease, but with a reminder of the things I want to do, perhaps it'll focus me, and I'll get most or all of them done.
1. save a life
2. overcome my fear of heights and sky dive
3. go to disney land -- i've never been. i'm 18 and deprived.
4. make a change in someone
5. do something that really matters
6. volunteer in a third world country
5. go to africa and work on an orphanage (the above is similar but not quite the same)
7. do something spontaneous
8. do something I would originally never ever do
9. learn to surf, and actually stand on ONE wave -- one because if you know me, i'm horrible uncoordinated
10. sing really drunk and horrible karaoke.
11. watch the sunset on the beach with the love of my life
12. see new york again
13. do something life changing for 3 people. -- a la pay it forward.
14. get at tattoo
I have a lot more, but that's just a snippet of the things I want to accomplish. Who knows, maybe I've subconsciously done some of these but if I've done it once I'll do it again! I don't want to live my life with any regrets or "what ifs" and I want to appreciate to the fullest everyday I'm given to live. Life is short, and passes too fast and before you know it everything you wanted to do, you can't anymore.
peace and love,
little jay
January 28, 2012
An Ode to the Joys of having a Vagina
I've come to the conclusion that provoking a female when on their period is closely related and more deadly than provoking let's say... a poisonous snake, or some psychotic serial killer. It should be frowned upon in society. Boys, you just don't understand the immensity of confusion and clusterfuck-ness of hormones that goes down during that 5-7 day span. I'll paint a picture for you.
First, we're bleeding from our lady parts. Okay? Don't mean to disgust you or change your sexuality by that mental picture but it is life, and frankly, life also is born due to that bleeding if you catch my drift. Just imagine if you were bleeding from your man parts, would you enjoy it? Would you saunter around in your favourite clothes and shake your ass to your favourite song and just be 24/7 happy? No. You wouldn't. Then, not only are we suffering from what feels like a gunshot wound down south, our OTHER lady parts (for some women, not all) feel like they have been directly falcon punched by Mike Tyson and swell sometimes double their size. For you guys reading this, I bet you're all smirking because who doesn't like a girl spontaneously double their bra size for a week, it's like male heaven. But let me tell you, they are so painful that even a simple, nice, friendly hug will turn into a deadly murder scene if you hug too hard.
So far, we're bleeding and suffering from boob pain. Next comes the cramps. I don't even know how many guys have asked me... "what do cramps feel like?" What do they feel like?! They feel like a knife is scraping at the inside of your abdomen, or try stabbing a knife in your testicle and please, tell me how pleasant that feels. Aside from cramps, some of us girls have bloating (where we puff up like a pufferfish with water weight), back pain, and for some girls food just decides it doesn't want to be inside our bodies any longer.
You can now imagine all the physical problems going on, now on top of that our hormones decide to just explode and swing everywhere like we're on some carousel. This isn't a fun carousel. It's like being in a freaking saw movie. In a split second we can turn into your greatest nightmare. Here's some examples of how dramatic these mood swings can become over the smallest things:
Example 1: My one friend burst into tears when no one saved her a pot of coffee one morning.
Example 2: I burst into tears when my day consisted of me dropping my favourite book in a puddle (HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?), when every single bus I could take home drove passed me in 30 seconds that I waited to cross the street, and then dropped my phone in a snow pile.
Example 3: I angrily compared someone to a lizard for complaining that their soup I had just served them was cold, despite that I burnt my finger on it. A lizard.
Example 4: Another friend spontaneously burst into tears when she opened the fridge and realized there was no milk for breakfast.
Do you need any more examples? Do you want to provoke us over bigger things? Does that sound like a good idea during the 5-7 days we suffer, when you could leave it for the other 20 some days that month? No bro, take it from a highly PMS girl (my poor boyfriend...), don't even try.
But, although we turn into these messed up versions of Godzilla for 5-7 days, don't be afraid and retreat into the bomb shelters boys. When the 5-7 days are over, we will turn back into our loving selves. However, if this is a constant scenario for you, you poor soul, you're probably dating a witch.
But please, don't worry... we're only girls. :)
First, we're bleeding from our lady parts. Okay? Don't mean to disgust you or change your sexuality by that mental picture but it is life, and frankly, life also is born due to that bleeding if you catch my drift. Just imagine if you were bleeding from your man parts, would you enjoy it? Would you saunter around in your favourite clothes and shake your ass to your favourite song and just be 24/7 happy? No. You wouldn't. Then, not only are we suffering from what feels like a gunshot wound down south, our OTHER lady parts (for some women, not all) feel like they have been directly falcon punched by Mike Tyson and swell sometimes double their size. For you guys reading this, I bet you're all smirking because who doesn't like a girl spontaneously double their bra size for a week, it's like male heaven. But let me tell you, they are so painful that even a simple, nice, friendly hug will turn into a deadly murder scene if you hug too hard.
So far, we're bleeding and suffering from boob pain. Next comes the cramps. I don't even know how many guys have asked me... "what do cramps feel like?" What do they feel like?! They feel like a knife is scraping at the inside of your abdomen, or try stabbing a knife in your testicle and please, tell me how pleasant that feels. Aside from cramps, some of us girls have bloating (where we puff up like a pufferfish with water weight), back pain, and for some girls food just decides it doesn't want to be inside our bodies any longer.
You can now imagine all the physical problems going on, now on top of that our hormones decide to just explode and swing everywhere like we're on some carousel. This isn't a fun carousel. It's like being in a freaking saw movie. In a split second we can turn into your greatest nightmare. Here's some examples of how dramatic these mood swings can become over the smallest things:
Example 1: My one friend burst into tears when no one saved her a pot of coffee one morning.
Example 2: I burst into tears when my day consisted of me dropping my favourite book in a puddle (HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?), when every single bus I could take home drove passed me in 30 seconds that I waited to cross the street, and then dropped my phone in a snow pile.
Example 3: I angrily compared someone to a lizard for complaining that their soup I had just served them was cold, despite that I burnt my finger on it. A lizard.
Example 4: Another friend spontaneously burst into tears when she opened the fridge and realized there was no milk for breakfast.
Do you need any more examples? Do you want to provoke us over bigger things? Does that sound like a good idea during the 5-7 days we suffer, when you could leave it for the other 20 some days that month? No bro, take it from a highly PMS girl (my poor boyfriend...), don't even try.
But, although we turn into these messed up versions of Godzilla for 5-7 days, don't be afraid and retreat into the bomb shelters boys. When the 5-7 days are over, we will turn back into our loving selves. However, if this is a constant scenario for you, you poor soul, you're probably dating a witch.
But please, don't worry... we're only girls. :)
January 24, 2012
The Wallet Saver
So, I have spontaneously decided that I am going to put myself on a regimen. Not a diet sort of thing, but for those of you who don't know, I have three addictions that just eat up my pay cheques like candy: make-up, clothing and money spending. I can't even describe the happiness I feel when I buy something... or a lot of things, just because I can. It's pure bliss. But what's not bliss, is looking at my bank account afterwards with "The Frown" -- you know, the face you make when your heart breaks a little bit at the balance staring bluntly back into your face? I've decided I need to kick my habits hard, before they kick me even harder. I call this the "The Wallet Saver".
& Here's how I'm going to do this...
1. Make Up: for the people close to me, they know how much I enjoy it. I have drawers completely full of make up I don't even use on a regular basis, just because I like having it. I love buying the brand new plastic wrapped products, trying them out and then stuffing them into a drawer waiting for the perfect moment to wear it. To kick this habit, I'm going to start Project 10 Pan. Also for those of you who don't know, I am an avid youtube watcher and love watching make up tutorials, so to explain Project 10 Pan (a youtube-given idea) it's pretty much I have to use up -- COMPLETELY USE UP-- at least ten products from my make up collection (preferably more). With this, I'll actually use the things I intended on using before and actually finish them before I buy anything else.
2. Clothing: I also have a problem of buying a bunch of clothes then just shoving it in my closet because I never have a "time" for wearing it. To kick this, I'm going to force myself to wear everything in my closet --everything-- at least once this year. This may not seem like a big deal, but since I'm heavily addicted to sweatpants, yoga pants and sleeping in late... Even wearing everything once will be a challenge with school. I will also force myself to not buy any new clothes for 3 months at a time, and at every 3 month period I will reward myself with ONE clothing item. This means, I will not buy anything new until APRIL 24TH, 2012 (except maybe a Coldplay t-shirt... because I'm seeing them). Just so you know, I might just die because shopping is a massive part of my life... but I'm determined to kick this. Maybe I'll take it even one step further and force myself to take a picture of my outfit everyday for the next year... but that's undecided.
3. Spending: Spending can range from something small as a 6 dollar sandwich to ridiculously priced shoes. Everything in between. I'm making my monthly budget ridiculous, keeping it from 15-25 dollars a month. BUT, there are exceptions to the budgets such as friend's birthday's and such. I seriously want to maintain it to this, of course with an increase when I meet my bank account goal (which for privacy purposes I'm not revealing on the blog, but trust me I'm a ways away).
I'll keep you all posted on how this little escapade will unfold... and hopefully, I don't go through too much withdrawl in the process, and even if you're feeling daring, try it out with me :)!
To do it yourself just pick three things bad habits that consequently affect your wallet and bank accounts, set goals and try it for a year! :)
saving instead of spending,
little jay :)
& Here's how I'm going to do this...
1. Make Up: for the people close to me, they know how much I enjoy it. I have drawers completely full of make up I don't even use on a regular basis, just because I like having it. I love buying the brand new plastic wrapped products, trying them out and then stuffing them into a drawer waiting for the perfect moment to wear it. To kick this habit, I'm going to start Project 10 Pan. Also for those of you who don't know, I am an avid youtube watcher and love watching make up tutorials, so to explain Project 10 Pan (a youtube-given idea) it's pretty much I have to use up -- COMPLETELY USE UP-- at least ten products from my make up collection (preferably more). With this, I'll actually use the things I intended on using before and actually finish them before I buy anything else.
2. Clothing: I also have a problem of buying a bunch of clothes then just shoving it in my closet because I never have a "time" for wearing it. To kick this, I'm going to force myself to wear everything in my closet --everything-- at least once this year. This may not seem like a big deal, but since I'm heavily addicted to sweatpants, yoga pants and sleeping in late... Even wearing everything once will be a challenge with school. I will also force myself to not buy any new clothes for 3 months at a time, and at every 3 month period I will reward myself with ONE clothing item. This means, I will not buy anything new until APRIL 24TH, 2012 (except maybe a Coldplay t-shirt... because I'm seeing them). Just so you know, I might just die because shopping is a massive part of my life... but I'm determined to kick this. Maybe I'll take it even one step further and force myself to take a picture of my outfit everyday for the next year... but that's undecided.
3. Spending: Spending can range from something small as a 6 dollar sandwich to ridiculously priced shoes. Everything in between. I'm making my monthly budget ridiculous, keeping it from 15-25 dollars a month. BUT, there are exceptions to the budgets such as friend's birthday's and such. I seriously want to maintain it to this, of course with an increase when I meet my bank account goal (which for privacy purposes I'm not revealing on the blog, but trust me I'm a ways away).
I'll keep you all posted on how this little escapade will unfold... and hopefully, I don't go through too much withdrawl in the process, and even if you're feeling daring, try it out with me :)!
To do it yourself just pick three things bad habits that consequently affect your wallet and bank accounts, set goals and try it for a year! :)
saving instead of spending,
little jay :)
January 12, 2012
thinking while reading
While I've been overwhelmed with school work, doing the countless readings I'm required myself to do I find myself having self-reflecting moments and thinking clearly (of course, not on the material I'm reading...). I've always been the kind of person whose afraid of being alone. I mean, who wants to be alone? I've always had this unnecessary need to fight for people to be in my life and to constantly need them there; know everything going on and talking every single day (I don't really know the words to say here, I'm just going on a whim so I apologize if this is scatter brained). While coming into my second semester of university, I came to realize that in order to not lose your sanity (for me, anyway) you need a solid support group, one that you don't have to work for and fight for. I mean, I'm too busy reading at least over 200 pages a week and being expected to retain it, I don't have time to be scurrying behind working so hard in my relationships, and I especially don't have the time to be putting up with petty immaturities (I'm not trying to sound condescending or conceited).
So, I have come to a conclusion that surprisingly, I'm okay with. I'm content with the few I have, the ones that actually know what goes on in my life and try to be there for me without me having to make the first move or every single move. My need to constantly chase after others instead of focusing on myself or the bigger picture, was jeopardizing all the things I have going for me and everything I've worked my ass off for. I saw a quote the other day, that probably all of you have seen, that just fit everything:
Don't make someone who makes you an option, your priority.
So my advice to everyone tonight is, be okay with yourself. Be content with who you have, even if it's not the amount of people you want. It'll be a painstaking process to figure this all out in your head, but when you do it's the most relaxing feeling ,and nonetheless surprising.
I hope everyone's new year is going fantastic :)
and blogs will pop up between the... excessive school work.
much love,
little jay
So, I have come to a conclusion that surprisingly, I'm okay with. I'm content with the few I have, the ones that actually know what goes on in my life and try to be there for me without me having to make the first move or every single move. My need to constantly chase after others instead of focusing on myself or the bigger picture, was jeopardizing all the things I have going for me and everything I've worked my ass off for. I saw a quote the other day, that probably all of you have seen, that just fit everything:
Don't make someone who makes you an option, your priority.
So my advice to everyone tonight is, be okay with yourself. Be content with who you have, even if it's not the amount of people you want. It'll be a painstaking process to figure this all out in your head, but when you do it's the most relaxing feeling ,and nonetheless surprising.
I hope everyone's new year is going fantastic :)
and blogs will pop up between the... excessive school work.
much love,
little jay
January 1, 2012
a brand new year
With a new year comes new opportunities, and a new day to begin the journey to re-invent yourself. I'm not saying a new year is a brand new clean slate, your history doesn't disappear with the 10-second countdown. But the dates, the baggage, it can slowly dwindle into events in the past hidden at the back of your mind. I want to begin this year without the baggage of 2011. I've made a few simple and easy resolutions, that I want to stick by in order to make 2012 better.
First, What happened to me in 2011?
I lost a really good friend, and made some new ones. I graduated high school, started life and university, visited my favourite city in the world New York, fell in love. I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and found the people who are really there for me. I learned to appreciate my family over everything, and to smile even through the tears because I'm strong enough for that. 2011 was a whirlwind, a lot happened and even more changed, one life chapter ended and a new one began.
I want to go into 2012 with open arms and an open mind. At the beginning of 2011 I thought it would remain the way it was forever. Well, I was wrong. 2011 was my best year, and my worst. As I said, I fell in love and made some amazing friends. I started doing what I wanted to do with my life, and make my own independent decisions without having to rely on anyone else. But it was also one of my worst, because as much as I gained I also lost. I lost friends, lost touch and somedays even lost sight of myself.
My resolutions:
Apologize & Forgive.
I've always been so proud and stubborn to admit I'm at fault, and although it's difficult for me to hold grudges because I forget why I'm mad in the first place, I want to forgive people too.
Smile & Stay Strong.
Everyone has moments of weakness, but I want to begin to overcome mine. I want to take the high road, and not let the little things bother me anymore.
Tell the people I love that I love them, everyday.
I love my family, I love my friends, my boyfriend, dog. I want them to know it everyday, and know how important they all are to me; the impact they make on my life and how much they change me into being the best I can be.
Take the high road.
High school is 5 months behind me, and sometimes I still find myself seeping into that high school mentality. The fake-ness, the jealousy, and honestly I want to escape that. I want to overcome that immaturity and develop into someone I can be proud of.
There are other resolutions, you know like the typical "go to the gym" and "stay in shape" ordeals, but the ones I mentioned at the ones I want to stick to throughout the whole year, and my whole life.
I hope everyone has a great start at the beginning of this year, and that each of you reach your greatest and full potential. :) Happy New Year you guys
little jay :)
First, What happened to me in 2011?
I lost a really good friend, and made some new ones. I graduated high school, started life and university, visited my favourite city in the world New York, fell in love. I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and found the people who are really there for me. I learned to appreciate my family over everything, and to smile even through the tears because I'm strong enough for that. 2011 was a whirlwind, a lot happened and even more changed, one life chapter ended and a new one began.
I want to go into 2012 with open arms and an open mind. At the beginning of 2011 I thought it would remain the way it was forever. Well, I was wrong. 2011 was my best year, and my worst. As I said, I fell in love and made some amazing friends. I started doing what I wanted to do with my life, and make my own independent decisions without having to rely on anyone else. But it was also one of my worst, because as much as I gained I also lost. I lost friends, lost touch and somedays even lost sight of myself.
My resolutions:
Apologize & Forgive.
I've always been so proud and stubborn to admit I'm at fault, and although it's difficult for me to hold grudges because I forget why I'm mad in the first place, I want to forgive people too.
Smile & Stay Strong.
Everyone has moments of weakness, but I want to begin to overcome mine. I want to take the high road, and not let the little things bother me anymore.
Tell the people I love that I love them, everyday.
I love my family, I love my friends, my boyfriend, dog. I want them to know it everyday, and know how important they all are to me; the impact they make on my life and how much they change me into being the best I can be.
Take the high road.
High school is 5 months behind me, and sometimes I still find myself seeping into that high school mentality. The fake-ness, the jealousy, and honestly I want to escape that. I want to overcome that immaturity and develop into someone I can be proud of.
There are other resolutions, you know like the typical "go to the gym" and "stay in shape" ordeals, but the ones I mentioned at the ones I want to stick to throughout the whole year, and my whole life.
I hope everyone has a great start at the beginning of this year, and that each of you reach your greatest and full potential. :) Happy New Year you guys
little jay :)
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