thinking while reading

While I've been overwhelmed with school work, doing the countless readings I'm required myself to do I find myself having self-reflecting moments and thinking clearly (of course, not on the material I'm reading...). I've always been the kind of person whose afraid of being alone. I mean, who wants to be alone? I've always had this unnecessary need to fight for people to be in my life and to constantly need them there; know everything going on and talking every single day (I don't really know the words to say here, I'm just going on a whim so I apologize if this is scatter brained). While coming into my second semester of university, I came to realize that in order to not lose your sanity (for me, anyway) you need a solid support group, one that you don't have to work for and fight for. I mean, I'm too busy reading at least over 200 pages a week and being expected to retain it, I don't have time to be scurrying behind working so hard in my relationships, and I especially don't have the time to be putting up with petty immaturities (I'm not trying to sound condescending or conceited).

So, I have come to a conclusion that surprisingly, I'm okay with. I'm content with the few I have, the ones that actually know what goes on in my life and try to be there for me without me having to make the first move or every single move. My need to constantly chase after others instead of focusing on myself or the bigger picture, was jeopardizing all the things I have going for me and everything I've worked my ass off for. I saw a quote the other day, that probably all of you have seen, that just fit everything:

Don't make someone who makes you an option, your priority.

So my advice to everyone tonight is, be okay with yourself. Be content with who you have, even if it's not the amount of people you want. It'll be a painstaking process to figure this all out in your head, but when you do it's the most relaxing feeling ,and nonetheless surprising.

I hope everyone's new year is going fantastic :)
and blogs will pop up between the... excessive school work.

much love,
little jay